My daughter is changing her mind.. I'm so disapointed

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Permalink Reply by Christina on August 30, 2008 at 1:26am

Have you called her recruiter? They can not stop her from not going in if she is already in DEP, but they can make it a little difficult with all the "red tape" that can be created. =) My son had second thoughts about a month before going in, my husband and I talked and then I called his recruiters office and talked to the Master Chief, I told him my concerns about what was going on and he said he would work with us. I don't want to give specifics, but if my son had not gone ahead and gone he would have just been in trouble due to bad choices.

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Permalink Reply by Becky Schleichert on August 30, 2008 at 1:36am

I'm not familiar with DEP, but no I haven't called her recruiter.. She just told me tonight a couple of hours ago. She had her 2nd appointment scheduled with her recruiter aprx 10 days from now and had scheduled a couple of days to take the ASVAP test / physical . That's as far as it's gone so far.. I really think the Military would have given a her great start on LIFE,.. I also realize it would not have been easy.. lots of frustration and growing up and responsiblity .. but in the long run .. much better than hanging around a small town with no job oppurtunity .. Like I said I'm hoping she changes her mind.. She thinks I just want to get rid of her.. I want to see her succeed in life.

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Permalink Reply by Christina on August 30, 2008 at 1:45am

The DEP program is the delayed entry program. They can sign up and they are given a date when they will leave and depending on when she wants to go, she can leave in approximately 6 months. My son was in the DEP from Nov 2007 and left for boot camp July 16th. If you can talk to her more about it maybe she could go with the DEP program and that would give her the 6 months she wants, but at the same time everything would be in place for her to go. We are from a small town here as well, I'm originally from Sacramento, CA, so it was a big culture shock. There is good and bad with small town living, lack of culture and extreme lack of opportunities unless you drive for miles. I hope this helps.

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Permalink Reply by Becky Schleichert on August 30, 2008 at 1:52am

It does help. I'll talk with her some more.

Thanks

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Permalink Reply by Becky Schleichert on August 31, 2008 at 12:02am

I agree Kathy .. the Navy is a huge commitment. She is young and has a lot of time to join. My initial reaction was fear that she'll never join... but after talking to her some more she's convinced me that she just wants/needs time to spend with family before leaving. Everyone has given me such good advise.

Thanks so very much

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Permalink Reply by Valerie (Adam's Mom) on August 30, 2008 at 12:45pm

Hey Becky, I know you feel disapointed, however, at this stage of their live we can't make them do anything all we can do is be there for them. She knows your disappointed now she needs to know you are there for regardless what her decision is she know that choice is there for her, when she is ready. She can never waste her life she is young what ever happens now could possibly be a learning experience learning to make her own choices is part of growing up and being independent. Try not to worry to much I am sure you and your husband have done a wonderful job raising her!!!

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Permalink Reply by Becky Schleichert on August 31, 2008 at 12:48am

Thanks for talking with me.. Of course I want her to be happy and I will support her decisions. You've helped me much.

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Permalink Reply by Mamma Mary on August 30, 2008 at 1:28pm

My son is 24, it took him 6 years to figure this out...but he did and he's very happy with his decision to join the Navy. I had been encouraging him to join the military each time he would drop out of community college (3+ times). He had to decide this on his own. He had to fall down and pick himself up. I was always there to talk, listen, advise. My opinion is you just have to be there to help them along the way. Some kids will know right away what they want to do and go for it, others like my son will take a little time.
My son's father isn't a big military person and didn't encourage Nick to join, but now he's very proud of him. Sometimes the ex's take a bit of time too.

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Permalink Reply by T's mom on August 30, 2008 at 1:55pm

My son was 20 when he joined.He went to college right after school and liked to party more then going to class so he quit.Then he moved home and thought he could treat our home like a dorm room and party here.So I called his father to come get him.That lasted about 1 month then he brought him back.Then my ex mother in law who by the way was awesome.Took him in.after 5 months of staying there he saw a friend from high school that was home on leave and told him how great the Navy was.Then he joined.It has been the best thing for him and we have our bond back.So hang in there they will do what they want to at that age.I would find someone who is in the miltitary to talk to her.

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Permalink Reply by Mary-Ellen & Tim on August 30, 2008 at 2:03pm

Becky:

Don't push on the issue at all anymore.

Whatever the reason your ex talked her out is important, but not at the expense of your relationship with your daughter. Did she share with you her rationale and what it was with your ex to do what he did?

Instead, encourage her to take some college courses and see if she will ask her father to pay for them since he wants her to not go in the Navy. However, you must let her and only her, take the initiative. Ask very deferentially and don't make an issue beyond asking the question. Don't get angry, defensive, or nasty. Don't even remotely try to make this a granite position on your part. It is not worth treating this as a "falling on the sword event" because your relationship is the most important matter here.

Please be courageous, strong, and respectful.

Best wishes to you and your husband and daughter. We trust that everything will work out in the end for the best.

God Bless,

Mary-Ellen & Tim

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Permalink Reply by Symones MOM on August 30, 2008 at 2:58pm

Hello this is symonesmom my daughter's father tried to talk her out of going to the Navy and it was very hard for me to keep my cool. My daughter had already made her mind up in 8th grade that she was going to the Navy. Her father did all he could to talk her out of it. Well it didnt work and I do agree with Mary-Ellen&Tim you must sit her down and not force the military family on her but explaine to her how important it is that she come up with a plan that is going to benefit her.Our children change their minds all the time. Its okay talk to her as much as you can but dont force the Navy or any branch on her If the Navy is for her and it truly has a lot to offer her. She will join the family. If she does not help her find out what's out there for her. The key is helping not pushing or forcing.
Everything will be okay.

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Permalink Reply by CCR on August 30, 2008 at 6:51pm

As Adults, we change our minds all the time too. But your unconditional love will tell her you will love her no matter what decision she makes. Reverse psychology worked for us. But not on purpose. I wasn't trying to do reverse psychology. He was supposed to have a football scholarship, then go to a local college for bio technology, but go to community college first to get basics out of the way. when he dropped his classes, I asked why and he said he'd joined the Navy. I said absolutely no way and went hysterical. I was being selfish, I wanted him with me. Now I know it is the best thing he could have done. He didn't want to burden us with college, and he has a fantastic career opportunity he would have never gotten otherwise. Plus he can get a degree online in addition to his Naval training.

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