What is your Sailor doing with their paycheck?

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Permalink Reply by H2Hmom on October 10, 2008 at 10:44am

Hi Cindy... unfortunately, you are probably not the only one in here who is watching their kids 'blow' his/her check. As a parent we see our kids make mistakes financially and there really isn't a thing we can do about it. Try stepping into his shoes first... he is an adult and yet his parents are still 'medeling' in his affairs. (I do not believe that is true, you are looking out for him, but his perspective). He wants to do this on his own, and for that he should be commended. Let him know that if he needs advice with $$, you will give it to him. Hard part is to not to give it when he doesn't ask. How do I know this... well, we are in the process now with our oldest son. He wants to buy a condo, yet doesn't have his bills paid off, nor a down payment. I am letting him go through the process and he is coming to me for advice. It took him to 24 years to get to the point of saying "Hey Mom, how do you do this....?"

Now, about my sailor... well, she is doing things with her money that I really don't think is the best but what can I do. She eats at the fast food places on base (wasted $$ since you can eat at the mess hall). She is coming home for the 4 day weekend which cost her over $650. As much as I am excited to see her, I tried to convince her to stay or to go to grandmas for $150. However, she misses home too much and couldn't see it. It is hers to spend. She is doing a lot of the "right" things because she has seen us do it. Her bonus is going into a CD. She maxed the TSP (10%), and she did get life insurance.

BOYS are much harder... (I do have two of them). While not all, most seem to feel like they are invincible and nothing will ever happen to them. There are some really good books out there, but he would have to read them. That probably doesn't help much. I am very partial to "Smart Couples Finish Rich" and the "Millionaire Next Door." The smart couples author also has the same books geared towards singles.

I believe the best way to get through to him is to be an example. That is what we have done. My husband and I didn't have an example and we made a lot of mistakes (the same as your son). I knew nothing about insurance, credit, debt, assets, liabilities, savings. All I knew was paycheck to paycheck. We knew buy it now because we deserved it. There was no concept of aging or retirement. I really don't think the young brain can even begin to absorb that. However, on the upside we have done well. We grew up, and grew smarter. We still didn't have examples from our parents, but we figured it out. Now we own two homes, plus two more pieces of property. Have no debt except for mortgages. Support my mom, invest 20% in our retirement, and still save on top of that, and we are in our late 30's early 40's. That isn't meant to be 'tooting our own horn' or to be boasting. It is meant to be encouraging to you that there is hope for your son. School of hardknocks is a great school (I know).

Also, baby steps... maybe engourage him to save just $1/day or $30/mo. So when he gets out, IF he gets out, he will have $$ for an apartment. There will be a big difference in maturity in 4 or 5 years. Encourage a couple of percents in the TSP, tell him about the "FREE" money he will get for it. Same with savings"FREE" money.

Long post, sorry... I am sure there are a lot of other people who will have better suggestions. I definetly look forward to reading them because I always learn.

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Permalink Reply by April , PNM of Tyler on October 10, 2008 at 11:01am

I know what you mean. When our son left for BC in Feb. he wanted to open an account with the Navy Federal while he was there. We have always been on his accounts with him and knew what he was spending his money on. We did not snoop or anything like that, but he knew if he was over drawn, we would cover it just because our names were on it too. He asked if it would be okay if he didn't put us on his Navy account, we told him that was fine. But to be smart and make wise decisions. The second pay period after BC, he called home needing money about a week or so before the next pay day. We told him that we could not bail him out this time. There was no reason for him to blow his entire check in a matter of 3 weeks. So he learned the hard way. We told him, go eat at the Galley, it's covered. No need to eat out at every opportunity. The only bill he has is a small loan he took out right after BC to get a laptop, because he couldn't wait for us to send his. He is very careful with his money after this one mistake. I do occasionally send him money, but it's because I want to, not have to.

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Permalink Reply by Dianne on October 10, 2008 at 11:37am

I was so happy when my son told me that he had signed up for the GI Bill and all the other things they offered to them at boot camp. Then it was his idea to change his montly checking account transfer to savings from $75 to $100. I thought, gee, he is really going to be good with his money and save it...but when he talks to his dad (after I've gone to bed) he tells him all the things he want's to buy. He told me he wants a credit card so he can start building his credit. I told him then try to save your money and when you come home at Christmas we will go to the bank and see if they will give you a credit card. The bank will be more willing to give you a credit card if you have $$ in your account. He understood, but the money is still burning a hole in his pocket. He can't stand that the money is just sitting in his account when there are so many things he wants to buy...things he can't have a A school that he would have to send home. Anyway, I understand what you are going through Cindy. All we can do is try to lead them in the right direction, it's their money and they can spend it how they want. I do think girls are better with money than boys are. Someday our sons will say, gee Mom you were right, I should have saved my money...but who knows how long that will be before they figure it out. It will probably take a girl who they want to marry for them to come to their senses. LOL Hang in there.

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Permalink Reply by Lori on October 10, 2008 at 11:40am

The recruiter told us that when they get there their first week is paper work. One thing they council them is on money issues. Maybe he will listen to them. Cory has a checking and savings account set up here, in his name along with mine. Tell Rob it is important for him to have your name so that if anything happens, he is out of the country or what ever and needs something you will have access to help him. They do everything on direct deposit and Cory is just going to do his money with a debit card. He does have some bills as he has worked full time for the 4 years, he has a car, cell phone and one charge. We have set it up that while he is in basics I will pay everything over the internet out of his account for him. Depending on what happens after A School and where he goes we will decide whether to sell his car or not. Unfortunately all you can do is give him your wisdom, if he listens is up to him. Sometimes it takes lifes hard lessons for it to sink in. I have stressed saving and money values to all my children and each is different., Two listened and took my advice and my youngest thought it was shop until you drop time. It wasn't until she was in college paying for her own apartment on the verge of being evicted that she finally got it. All you can do is tell them and then be there as a safety net when they fall. (to an extent) I hoped this helped some?

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Permalink Reply by Mamma Mary on October 10, 2008 at 11:47am

Before the Navy, my son wanted the credit card to "build credit". He didn't make his payments on time, sometimes a few months late and now he has horrible credit. I'm not exactly sure what he's doing with his money but he says he's saving some. He spent his paychecks while he was home on leave to go out with his friends and on food and gas. I didn't have a problem with that since he won't see these people for a long, long time. He wants to buy a car, I don't know how he'll be able to do that with his bad credit but he says he has an appt with Navy Federal. I've reminded him that each day of good money management is another day closer to good credit. It's up to him to do this and all I can do is try to advise him.

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Permalink Reply by Adriana on October 13, 2008 at 3:47pm

Hi Mamma Mary!
Im new in this,but reading your story I can tell you that my story is almost same,BUT my son a redy bought the car,thru Navy Federal he get a loan.He come home ,on leave before they went oversea,with a car.Now the car have some problems and is seating on my driveway,he suspended a car insurance because he is oversea.Another day I get a e-mail from him if I can sale the car for him because he is on ship and he is not using a car and they still taking the money from his paychek for a car.The point is that I told him NOT the buy a car because he don't need.They think that they are adults and that they know everything,they DON"T listen.Now he know that he made mistake and told me that I been wright,but the car is still on my driveway,LOL.I try to advise him and I hope that he learn lifes hard lessons.

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Permalink Reply by Tamie (mom of Michael) on October 10, 2008 at 12:05pm

It sounds like he is ready to go out on his own, that is a tuff thing when your kids grow up. I do know that they have a financial officers that help and teach them how to handle thier monies, and make good choices. My Sailor uses and goes to them often. They help set up savings, retirement, ect ect. hopefully your sailor will go to them to help him make choices. Maybe give him advice to use them. and let them tell him what to do with his money. I do know if they get to far into debit it can hold them back on going overseas to cetain, Navy bases. they can not leave the States if they have big debits. so remind him of that. So I say let him grow up and hit bottom and be broke if he doesn't manage is money right. My son is 23 hates being in debit but says it cost so much to live in GL. and to keep from going insane, they need to go have fun on the weekends. so his money is spent fast to. He just makes sure 100.00 goes into is retirement plan. and the rest is fun money for him. While they are young and no famlies yet. hopefully they will get it out of their systems. and grow up. just give it some time, he will see the light soon.

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Permalink Reply by Robin on October 10, 2008 at 12:09pm

Yikes.. mine likes to spend his money on JUNK food- McD's, Taco Bell, etc. I have read in past threads that even tho food is provided from the Galley, they take it out of their checks, having said that.. EAT THERE!!!!!!! You're already getting charged for it, you might as well eat it! Save McD's for a snack or something. My son also has to watch what he does, he has a car payment to make every month and my name is also tied into his account so I can see what he is doing. You might want to remind your kids that once they are out of BC and have their "dress" uniforms.. they will have to pay to have them dry cleaned, that's not free. The biggest expense mine has done was a laptop and I hemmed and hawed at him not to go "all out"... but he did and there was nothing I could do about it but to just remind him.. You're car payment..... I think once they blow their checks.. it's time to cut them off(financially) until they can focus on how to spend and spend wisely, how else are they going to learn? Money doesn't grow on trees and if you want something, you have to earn it, and if you dont have the money for it, you either go with out or wait until you have the means to pay for it.

I don't mean to sound harsh but with the economy the way it is, they need to have some common sense and every once in awhile, I do check my sons account and ask him why at times, but for the most part I just say.. Ugh, why? for piddly little things. Cable and internet kill me- $90 for that, and I asked if he has his room mates help him, he says they do, but I think he's too shy to make them pay.

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Permalink Reply by Cindy Proud Navy Mom of Rob on October 10, 2008 at 12:12pm

Thanks ladies.
I just hate to see him waste the money he could build with no debts now and really set himself up for when he does get out & gets older-wants home/kids of his own. I have seen so many struggle and it pains me because I know they have created their situation with bad choices. Seems they all just want it HANDED to them. No one is patient anymore - have to have it NOW! Rob is like that too. They don't even TRY -just keep making the same mistakes over & over. I even went to the expense & bought my oldest son the Dave Ramsey program to really help them out - he is 29 -his fiance is 26 and they have 3 babies (4, 3, &1) - they haven't even looked at it! That's plain stupidity. Plus they are in a financial mess. Always behind on bills -always! They pay so many late fees & finance charges needlessly.I refuse to give them any more money or pay their bills. One time they 'borrowed' $1500.00 to pay bills - 2 years ago -we'll never see it plus about 6 months after they borrowed and had not paid back a dime they were out buying new pillows for their couch & things like that. Things they really didn't need. We were even with them at the time. I should have said something then. That's nerve! I so hate to watch Rob live like that too but, seems inevitable.
The problem for my kids is I will not bail them out if they have been advised to do things more wisely and they just haven't. My husband and I both work full time and I'll be blasted if they think we are going to 'fund' their irresponsibility. I did not have the avantage of that advise when I was younger -they do. Still they choose to ignore the benefit of our combined 106 years of experince. Talk about frustrating! Because of all the selfishness and foolishness we have stated 'the bank of Harry & Cindy is closed'. They all know not to come to us. I also pay my Mother's rent. I can't fund everyone. These kids are 20/30 years younger and fully capable of working and have every opportunity to learn the wise course with money. The techno age has offered more than we could have ever dreamed at their age.
I have heard so many cases where young people 'let the state' pay their bills because they are so lazy. Feel like everyone else OWES them. ARGH! I would like to just give 'em all a swift kick in the hind quarters I would!
I'm thinking that Rob should be able to call/visit when he is able because HE has the money - not expect it from us. I have warned him about not eating in the mess hall & foolishly spending it ob fast food/going out. He gets mad & says 'I'm not dumb Mom, I will save that money I would have otherwise spent'. No he won't! I know him all too well. He worked all summer -has NOTHING to show for it. Seriously -NOTHING! If he gets paid on Friday -it's gone by end of weekend.
Anyone got an anvil - I need to just drop it on his head!

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Permalink Reply by Tamie (mom of Michael) on October 10, 2008 at 12:31pm

No need to get yourself sick about it, My kids are 25 and 23 both spent thier money when they in high school, but are very good with making sure they pay thier bills first, then some in savings, food and so on. I am sure your sailor will do just fine. as they get older they will see they need to save for they things they want. We as Parents can only guide them, so much, you and your husband did all you can do when they were growing up and there is no law saying you have to help them after 18 lol. But I do know how hard it is not to say no. and you have grandbabies too that would be hard. but stick to your guns and say know if they need to eat invite them to dinner. lol thats what I do to my oldest. lol

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Permalink Reply by Lois C T(momma T) on October 10, 2008 at 6:43pm

I will borrow the anvil when you're finished with it!! Sounds soooo familiar, you could be telling my story, about my son anyway! Someone, said boys are different than girls, well that's true in our case. Our oldest child (a daughter), has ALWAYS been and still is a saver. She owned her own home by the time she was 25! She had such great credit, that she was able to lease a brand new car in her last year of college!!!! The salesman told her she would never be approved, boy was he surprised and apologetic! Our middle child also a girl, is even a saver, and more "money aware" and she is "mentally/physically challenged!!!! And they were all brought up the same, and all "spoiled" the same!

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Permalink Reply by Lois C T(momma T) on October 10, 2008 at 12:29pm

Well, it's good to know we are not alone! My husband and I have concerns about how our son is spending his money too!, An d he does have a girlfriend "fiance", who he is planning to marry. That has not helped him with financial sense, although she tries (as we did) to convince him to save, not spend money foolishly etc., he does what he wants! He spent his entire bonus(a substantial amount) in less than 3 months! He did make one purchase (a car), which I thought was smart, he paid cash for the car, so I thought I was seeing a change lol! However, he convinced me to register the car in my name, and carry the insurance (to save money), I have done that since he drove, and most times although I told him he would have to pay for the insurance, I never took the money, thinking I was helping him. We basically have supported him (financially) his whole life! He is now 23 years old, and I know I made a big mistake!!!!!! We closed his bank acct. here at home, because it was constantly overdrawn, and my husbands name was on it too, so we ended up paying. He does have a Navy Federal acct., which my name is on, so that I can take the money to pay his portion of the car insurance, but, I feel guilty when I take money from his account! He is in Iraq right now, so I thought he wouldn't have any place to spend money, but I forgot about the internet!! I have been thinking of taking some of his pay each pay day and putting it in savings for when he comes home, (he should be able to save a good amount of money, while overseas, but I don't think he will)! Bad idea??????

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