Coming full circle....Paying it forward

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Permalink Reply by Donna (Proud Sailor's Mom) on April 9, 2009 at 3:15pm

I have not yet experienced that dreadful day when my daughter will leave for bootcamp. She has already said she doesn't want me at MEPS to watch her leave. Mayve she's right. I will definately be a mess. Your description of your feelings that day definately mirror what I expect to feel. However, I don't think I will have the anger and lost feeling. You see my son has made very bad choices in his life. He is causing me pain and grief I have yet to get a handle on. Beating my chest and crying, swearing at God and Faith. That's for a different forum/website.

What I will feel is a loss of a different kind, my daughter, my best friend. But also pride. I will cry and cry and I will need help for other Navy4moms for sure. I have months to work on it though. Maybe with your groups help it won't be so bad. I definately want to join. I'm positng this now and going to look for your group.

God bless you and the help you give. I hope one day I too can pay it forward. If we all did, what a beautiful world this would be.

Donna

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Permalink Reply by Donna (Proud Sailor's Mom) on April 9, 2009 at 3:25pm

Having trouble finding your group. Please advise.

Kayla's Mom, Donna

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Permalink Reply by Nancy Moles(mom to Brian) on April 12, 2009 at 2:31pm

What a wonderful inspiring story. One that shows me there is light at the end of a dark empty tunnel. My son is leaving in two days, 04/14/09. I am proud of him for choosing this path, but I am having a hard time. He is 19 1/2 and just the fact that I will not be able to see him and talk to him everyday is really hard. Just writing about it now is making me cry. Reading all of these messages is such a help, and being able to express my thoughts and feelings to people who understand is priceless. Thank you to all of you who are willing to listen.

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Permalink Reply by HOOYAH MOM on April 12, 2009 at 9:59pm

Nancy,
Yes there is light at the end of a Navy Mom's dark empty tunnel... In that light you will find more pride and love than you can imagine. Just wait til you see your boy standing there in his dress whites all proud and grown. It is an amazing transformation. There are no words that could come close to describing the emotions you will feel... If you need me I am here.
This is my site link for Pay It Forward Navy Mom Style. We have moms that are "seasoned" and moms that are brand new. But us old salty dogs are there to help. We would love to have you... Hear is the link.. http://navymomsrock.ning.com/
As Always
Leah

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Permalink Reply by April , PNM of Tyler on April 13, 2009 at 12:58pm

Wow!!! This brought back all of the emotions I felt whenour son was getting ready to leave February of 2008. I had been behind him 100% from the time he decided to join, because it is the opportunity of a lifetime and how much prouder can a parent get when they have a child serving our country. I didn't think that I would have a hard time when it was finally time for him to leave. (We had our rough patches while he was growing up) We had to drop him off at his Recruiters office and as soon as we pulled up in front of it, wow the water works started. Not only for me but for our youngest child who was 8 at the time. They were extremely close and she thinks the world of her brother (both of them) We left him and headed home 80 miles, and the tears never stopped. I had just gotten to a point where I was okay and the phone rang and it was him letting us know he had made it to MEPS. It started all over agin. Then the 2 second phone call came and it started yet again. Over the next couple of weeks anybody would ask how he was and I would start all over again. Time went by and things got easier, the weekly letters from him helped tremendously. Finally it was time for PIR and there was no way in the world I was going to miss this. We drove the 16 hours to Chicago from Kansas and gave him the biggest hug ever. At times I really wish that he was still in BC, because the communication after that time seems to really die off. He came home on Leave in February and we really enjoyed our time with him.. And saying bye to him when it was time to leave was not any easier. He is now in Hawaii and seems to have forgotten about all of us here in Kansas. (I think I would too:)) I have learned that he needs to spread his wings and enjoy life, but it is always hard letting them go. He knows that I am a proud Navy Mom and when we do talk he gives me a hard time about spending so much time on this site, but he thinks it is great. My other son is 13 now and he told us last week that he wants to be an Air Force Pilot, like my cousin. I about fell out of my chair...... I am not sure I could deal with having both of my boys in the service.... At least I have several years to think about that one. I will one day pay it forward for another navy mom. God bless each and every one of you and your families....

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Permalink Reply by Kim on April 13, 2009 at 11:23pm

Wow .. my heart is absolutely in the same place as yours. My son is leaving May 20th for Boot Camp, and quite honestly, I don't know how I'm going to get thru this. He's my best friend, my strength, my comedian ... my youngest. I feel like I have tears in my eyes constantly .. and he still has another month home. I'm so proud of him (proud beyond words) .. and I will miss him terribly.

I know I'll get thru this ... this is just another positive chapter in his life ... I just need to keep that in mind. He's very excited - and I am very excited for him. I'll be writing to him weekly and running to the phone each time it rings.

Thank you so much for sharing your story. It helps me to know I'm not the only Mom out there, who's so very proud, yet so sad at the same time.

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Permalink Reply by Lori Kauffman on April 14, 2009 at 9:30am

Kim,

My son left on March 25th and he is my only child and like you I cried before he left and have shed many tears since. I haven't received a letter or phone call yet and that is hard. But trust me you will get through it, just keep reminding yourself this is a good thing for him. I go in my son's room and walk in his closet to touch his clothes and think about him. Sometimes I go in and lay on his bed and end up crying myself to sleep.

He attended college out of state and I missed him then but the difference was he was only 3 hours away and I could call him every day. But this move is much different because I know this is his final move away from home. This is him starting his adult life on his own and he will no longer be my baby at home that I can love and hold every day.

I know this is the best thing for my son and I keep reminding myself of that. And I also remember how proud he was when he joined and when we went to see him off at MEPS he was so proud. He was nervous and a little scared but he was confidant in his decision.

I can't tell you it gets easier because so far for me it hasn't but I manage to get through each day. I raised my son as a single mom and before he left he told me this: “Mom, you did a great job raising me but I need to do this for me. It will give me the self discipline and self confidence I lack. Always remember I love you and I want to make sure I have a great career so I can always take care of you." Those words will always be in my mind and heart. He and I are so close and I pray every day that he can feel the love and support I have for him in his heart.

You and your son will be fine and you both will be better for this.


Hang in there,

Lori

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Permalink Reply by Karen on April 18, 2009 at 10:41am

For some reason I just came acroos this, it brought tears to my eyes. Mindy left December 12, 2007. She was 20 but, she is my baby forever and always. She has one older brother, he has givin us a grand-daughter and she is just like him (pay backs haha). Never a moments rest with that child, but I have wondered from the real reason I'm here Mindy. She left as you can see just before Christmas, her 21st birthday both were spent in bootcamp. She called but I missed every call, except for the 2 second "I'm here". When I saw her at PIR I didn't want to take my eyes off her, but with so much to see you can't but help to. I was lucky tho Mindy was in a 900 div and being the shortest in the group she carried the Delaware state flag, very easy to find her and while they stood in formation she was right there in the front. The Liberty Call came, but I still had to wait, 900s are the last released they have to turn in uniform parts and return flags. I didn't want to but I could wait no longer, off to the bathroom I went. By the time I got back she was there, I gave her the biggest hug. "Mom my lid (I think that is what it is called her hat)" Now she is 22 stationed in Guam and loving it. This November we are going there, she will be having an early Christmas, and an early birthday since we have not had her for the last 2 years. The hardest part is my husband was Navy 30 years ago he knew what to expect, he thought it was no big deal, but she is my baby. There was really no one to talk to this site was around yet, then when I did find it "What a God send." So now I am fine and when I'm down I have all these other Moms to help and I help others when they need it if I can. Well I guess that's it for now, best wishes to all you other Moms and wives that come across this.

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Permalink Reply by Barbara on April 18, 2009 at 2:42pm

Dear MOM. OMG .. I just signed on again after being away for a few months. I stayed away because everyone else seems so PULED together and Im still so Angry. And So sad. It has been 16 months since i thought it was I you were talking about watching My Life walked away. He is my only Child. I lived and breathed for him. He wasnt ready ,because i had spoiled him so. I still dont know what to do with myself, and i find myself crying alot . Friends and family are beginning to end my sentences, saying i KNOW , you miss him. Then i come onhere , and ppl are sending packages and lighting candles ,, and i cry just picking up a Blue candle. Why am i still such a mess? Thank you so much for that, it was real. It was me,It is me. Love ,Barbara, Mother of Sean Patrick .age 21 .

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Permalink Reply by HOOYAH MOM on April 19, 2009 at 11:09am

Barbara,
The answer to your question of why are you still such a mess is so simple for me to answer as I sit here and write back to you through tears just as painful as the day my baby left. If you haven't read my posting "New Navy Moms... for when you are struggling" you will find your answers in there... The easy part is giving them your heart to take with them... the hard part is when they are strong enough to give it back... You will know what I mean by that when you read the other posting.... I am always here... never more than a message away... and smile... because you raised a hero!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Permalink Reply by Pam Mom of Justin on April 20, 2009 at 9:58am

Right now I am sitting at my kitchen table trying to get work done but I am so unhappy. My son is enlisted and will be leaving in December 2009 five days before Christmas. I can't even imagine how I am going to get through his actual leaving since I am this distraught now. I am sad and yes I am angry. I am angry that he did this without consulting and including me in his decision and hurt that he is changing my whole family's lives and doesn't seem to care about how we feel. I am also happy that he has made a hugh decision for himself and I can see he is trying to be a man and do what he wants. I have raised my son as a songle Mom when his father decided to leave us. I think my son is the most wonderful thing God has given me and I just can't bear losing him. I am so worried something terrible will happen to him and I will never see him again. This is not what I ever expected to have to deal with. I am so confused and can't think straight about anything. This is totally consuming me.

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Permalink Reply by Lori Kauffman on April 20, 2009 at 11:34am

Pam,

My son is currently in boot camp and like you I raised him as a single mom. It is always hard to let our children go and become adults and make their own choices in life. For me as a single mom I felt like I was losing my heart and life when my only son left for the Navy on March 25th. It has been he and I on our own for his entire childhood. I have only been married the last 3 years. For me he has been my life’s focus and what I lived for. When he left even though I now have a husband at home I felt like I may not survive this separation from my son. But so far I have and continue to mange to get through each day.

Since it was just the two of us for so long and we are so close I wondered how I would survive, and how he would survive. When my son first started talking about joining I was supportive but inside I was devastated at the thought of this. I want to share with you what he told me when I asked why.

“Mom, you did a great job raising me but I need to do this for me. It will give me the self discipline and self confidence I lack. Always remember I love you and I want to make sure I have a great career so I can always take care of you."

I don’t know how close you and your son are but for me that statement said it all. My son joined the Navy not only to defend the country he is so proud of and loves but also to ensure a future for himself, his future family and oh yes his mother.

I know my son my only child will be the one I depend on when I am too old to take care of myself. I take pride and comfort in knowing I will have a physically and mentally strong Sailor by my side. He is my son, my sailor my hero.

I suggest talking to your son, and asking why he wasn’t open about this decision. It may be that he knew it would hurt you so he wasn’t sure how to handle it. All I can say is as much as it will hurt when he leaves be supportive and know that he is doing a great thing. I am amazed and proud of the positive changes in my son in just few the weeks he has been in boot camp. He sounds so strong and so mature and each time I read a letter or get a phone call I am floating on top of the world. So far the Navy experience has been a positive move for my son.

My son wanted and needed this and as hard as it has been on me I couldn’t be more proud of him. And more important than that, he is proud of himself.

I hope this helps,

Lori

Mom of Jesse, my son my sailor my hero.

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