Convincing my son to join-right or wrong?

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Permalink Reply by Paula on October 29, 2009 at 2:16pm

Bottom line, who will be serving you, your husband or your son? It has to be your son's decision, you guys may give him pointers but don't force anything on him. He needs to be in the right state of mind to do this. The ones who want to do this are psyched up but also scared. Give him his space but then again your the parents, you know what works best for your child.

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Permalink Reply by Suzanne on October 29, 2009 at 3:23pm

What is your son doing now? Has he completed high school? Does he have any plans if he doesn't join the Navy?

When my son was in his senior year of high school, I spoke with often about his plans for life after graduation. I told him he had 3 choices: go to a college, trade school, or technical school, join the military, or get a full time job (or a combination of part-time jobs to equal 40 hours a week). There were NO other choices. I was fully supportive of any of the options that he was interested in looking at. He chose the military.

I've seen too many young men and women who have been pushed - hard - into joining the Navy, with disasterous results. Bottom - like he has to really want this.

Good luck!

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Permalink Reply by snoozymom on October 29, 2009 at 3:40pm

Paula, that's a good way to look at it: Who will be serving? I hadn't looked at it quite that way.

Suzanne, He is in his senior year. I have told him he needs a plan but we can't afford college. We talked about a trade such as plumber (my FIL was one). He would like to maybe do that or work and go to community college which I think we may be able to swing. The problem is my husband insists he will be a total loser if he doesn't join the Navy. No if's ands or buts. It really bothers me and doesn't seem right but when I go to the recruiting office they even convince me how great it is. I don't understand why my son doesn't want it but he just doesn't. It would be so much easier on us if he did go but what kind of life would that be for him? I like your 3 choices you gave your son. Mine would like to do college but like I said no way could we afford it besides we are too late to apply for this year. I don't get why he would want to pay off loans for years instead of having it paid for by the Navy but I do think it should be his choice. This is causing a huge disagreement between my husband and I. I wish I knew the right answer. Thanks again.

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Permalink Reply by Hoppi aka Angie on October 29, 2009 at 7:27pm

Was your husband in the USN? Where you in the USN?

Food for thought...can your son put up with below and than some....

Being away from family and friend for months on end.
Not having control over what you get served for chow.
Having to take 1,2 or 3 people out on liberty with you at all times.
Getting screamed at for not ____.
Getting in trouble for ______.
Being sick and told to take these and go back to work.
Being told what to do and how to do it.
Being woken up in the middle of the night for drills.
Not being able to drive your car when and where you want.
Watching your friends slowly go crazy due to the lack of contact with the outside world.
Hearing one of your Shipmates went U/A.
Hearing one of your Shipmates are in the hospital as they tried to kill themselfs.

As far as the Recruiter saying all the jobs will be open when they go for the swearing in. The recruiter has NO idea what will be open at that time.

What if your son joins and than decides he doesn't like it and does something stupid to get out? Than what will happen?

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Permalink Reply by Anti M on October 29, 2009 at 8:17pm

Good list, Hoppi. You forgot thew super-strict dress code.

One thing though, staying at home and doing nothing should not be an option.

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Permalink Reply by Hoppi aka Angie on October 29, 2009 at 8:36pm

oh-yea and peeing in a cup on demand. That one is always fun :~}

I have a choice on my dress code now. I can pick if I want to wear black socks,black shoes, and a black purse or brown socks, brown shoes, and a brown purse. LOL!

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Permalink Reply by Anti M on October 30, 2009 at 9:02am

LOL, monitoring those peeing in cups... adventure indeed.

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Permalink Reply by Hoppi aka Angie on October 30, 2009 at 12:50pm

I hate doing that, the story's that could be told about that. LOL!

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Permalink Reply by WaywardGypsy on November 13, 2009 at 12:57pm

Ponders your list..... I served for 12 years and I am shaking my head at your list.
You are making it sound like some kind of prison.
Are you currently enlisted?
Sorry .. you need to get some of your facts straight, before you post such things on here, for people who really dont know how the service is.. your "list" makes it sound horrid. I am not saying its all peaches and cream.. its what you make of it, it can be the best time of your life.. or it can be the worst.

Watching your friends go crazy for the lack of contact to the outside world???
Not being able to drive your car when and where you want to????
Not sure what countries Navy you are talking about here.
Some of the things apply to Bootcamp...but not totally when you are out in the fleet.
I could go on about your "list" ... I think I said enough about it.

I got out in 94, and yes some things change... but not like you are portraying it.

Just my humble opinion on your post.... and nothing against you personally.

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Permalink Reply by Suzanne on October 29, 2009 at 11:14pm

There is absolutely nothing wrong with community college or a trade or technical school. And I know full well what its like not to be able to afford college. My daughter is at a 4 year university. She has student loans and a job on campus during the school year. During the summer, she works 2 part-time jobs. My son would have had to do the same thing.

I can understand why your son doesn't want to go into the Navy. Its not for everyone. I think Hoppi's list is a great example. Boot Camp is no picnic. And if it wasn't his idea to be there in the first place, then its going to be a real disaster for your son.

If your son really wants college, then let him go to the student aid office and let them talk to him about what it would take to enroll. If he's trying to enroll for next Fall, then he may still have time to submit his application. Just because he applies, doesn't mean that he has to attend. There are many, many opportunities for financial aid that people don't know about.

I don't know why your husband feels the way he does and I wouldn't dare comment on someone else's family situation. I do feel for you because it sounds like you're caught between the two men in your life - your husband and your son. Not an easy place to be.

Good luck. We'll be here to support you:-)

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Permalink Reply by Hoppi aka Angie on October 30, 2009 at 7:57am

That list isn't just bootcamp, that is for most of someones career.

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Permalink Reply by Barbara (Derek's Mom) on November 15, 2009 at 11:37pm

I have to agree with WaywardGypsy, both my sons have served, one is in for his career and he and his wife live in a very nice house off base and he goes to work every day. He's been on 4 cruises and those were pretty miserable for him because he doesn't like to be away. A lot of sailors love visiting other parts of the world. You make it sound like bootcamp all the time. There are days that it's the worst thing in the world and other days that it's the best thing ever. The Navy has been the best thing that has every happened to both my sons! The grass is NOT always greener on the other side!

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