Daughter having second thoughts..... HELP!!

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Permalink Reply by lstrebeck on June 23, 2009 at 12:53pm

This sounds like one of those times in life where you have to be a really good listener! Making decisions on what to do out of high school can be so excruciating, for moms AND young people. Giving our support to them is the most important thing. Ultimately, the exact "job" we do in life is not as important as what we can give through our job. Our talents and personality are with us wherever we go. Enjoy that last year of school! Lots of milestones.

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Permalink Reply by Debbie on June 23, 2009 at 7:14pm

My daughter has been away since February 24th. I believe it is important to realize and discuss with your daughter about joining the military during times of conflict and war. It seems that some of our kids do not realize that they may have to give the ultimate sacrifice. Please excuse me for being blunt, but my daughter may be going to Afghanistan in March. She is a Seabee and will be trained and prepared, but you need to talk about this and make sure that your daughter understands that it is not joining up is not just a cool sounding thing to do. P.S. my husband is recently retired police detective from Las Vegas. What is an MA.

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Permalink Reply by chiefmcd on June 23, 2009 at 8:05pm

An MA is abbreviation for Master at Arms - just another name for the police force in the Navy. You may have heard the term MP (Military Police for the Army) The Air Force has their own also. Unless things have changed over the years, that is the definition I am aware of.

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Permalink Reply by chiefmcd on June 23, 2009 at 8:01pm

I actually went through this myself before joining the armed forces many, many years ago. ;-)
Your daughter should take as much time as possible to make her decision. I, too, entered the service through the Delayed Entry Program, but was out of high school for a few months and I was only in DEP for about 2 months. Many recruiters will give information about joining early so that your space in the career field will be reserved, but if there are any second thoughts at all, it's best to let that pass by. Believe me, if they want someone to join, and they have the high credentials, they will find a spot when she is surely ready.
I spent my active duty years in the Air Force, but transferred to the Naval Reserve from the Air Force Reserve after my activie duty obligation was met. I have never regretted my choice to serve, and feel the reason was because I had taken the time to make my choice. If a person is not ready, the experience will not be a good one. Have her do the research and pick a career field she is truly interested. No sense joining and have the feeling of "settling" for another field, just to get in. The Navy want people who are committed and focused - for the good of the person and most of all for the good of the Navy. The Navy's mission comes first. In order to protect and defend our country, it can't be any other way. I wish your daughter the very, very best!!!!!

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Permalink Reply by lisa vitela aka Dominique's mom on June 23, 2009 at 9:59pm

dearest friend
it sounds like your daughter sure is lucky to have a mom like you. in my situation we sat with our son and at first taled about the navy. for me just the thought of being without my son for a period of time was unbearable. as i started talking about it with friend there was deffently more pro than cons. eventually i was on board. i was scared that he would just sit at home and do nothing. he is so bright good head on his shoulders. he now has been in 3 mo. and he says that given the chance to come home or stay. he would stay. i am very proud of him. in 19 years i have never been away from him. it has really tested my faith. God never left either one of us.

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Permalink Reply by SuzieB on June 23, 2009 at 10:29pm

My Daughter was 19 when she decided to join. I don't know where you live or what the situation is in your state, but word from her recruiting station is that even fully qualified intelligent people aren't getting into the Navy. Not to be the bearer of bad news, but the Navy is getting full. Most jobs are over manned and people are getting kicked out left and right. If she thinks she wants it, she needs to go for it now. Even if she swears in now, she won't be able to leave until she graduates. My daughter graduated 3 years ago, joined the Navy in September of 2008, and she won't be leaving for Boot Camp until July of 2009. July 20th to be exact. She's had her ups and downs, but knows down in her heart this is the right thing to do. She's scared and nervous about leaving home, we're from a small town, but it's the best thing for her, and she knows that. Wish your daughter luck and tell her that it's the opportunity of a lifetime, but if she hesitates too much, she might miss out on that. Best of Luck!!

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Permalink Reply by Leah on June 24, 2009 at 5:22pm

My daughter talked to every branch of the service except for the Coast Guard prior to signing up. She almost signed when she was 17 with the Army, but changed her mind. She graduated high school and went off to college thinking that college was what she wanted. She came home after first semester and signed up with Navy on the DEP. She just left last week. Your daughter sounds like a very smart girl and will make the right decision. I am very proud of my daughter for joing the Navy but I too would have supported her no matter what her decision was.
When she was thinking about joining the Navy, I had her talk to some friends of mine that had been in the Navy. One was a female that was Navy nurse and one was retired Seal. He talked to her up until the time that she left and she liked talking to people who had been through it without putting pressure on her. If you have any friends or know of anyone like that, that should could talk to, it might help. Good luck!!!

Leah

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Permalink Reply by Guilderland on June 24, 2009 at 7:27pm

I went thru what you're going thru 34 years ago! I was 21, just had a baby that I put up for adoption, and my life was messed up! My father suggested secretarial school. I went to a career fair, picked up a few college catalogs, went by the Army Recruiter who wanted me to come in 6 weeks and finally the Navy where I filled out the paperwork. I came home, told my parents, (dad wasn't pleased, he's Army). They respected my decision, encouraged me and in March 1975, I went to boot camp in Orlando. They were pleased with my decision and with what I accomplished. Just keep encouraging her, but don't badger her! She'll be pleased with making the right decision.

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Permalink Reply by NavyProudMom on June 25, 2009 at 7:34pm

I had the same thing happen here. I spoke with them off and on or a year. then the thing I go hit a hime run was I cut off the y much bmoney I was given out and mad them get a job and ging to school at the same time I told them this is the way it will be low wages high pressure job to many bills and you will be lucky to have health insurance for when your sick. I love my kidss very much but being single for so many years it ate up all my saving and there was nothing for thier college. I told them they would have to make thier on way. My husbnad now and my was miltary if it was not for that we would never made it. It is a great things I have Two in the service now they both Love it Said there are both going for 20 yrs or more. I wish I would of don't it. I still kick myself for it daily.

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Permalink Reply by A Proud Texas Mom on June 26, 2009 at 8:54am

My daughter is now 22, she joined the Navy when she was 19 after a year of dead end jobs. She is a fire fighter on an aircraft carrier. First of all, yes things are a little tighter but if she does well on the ASVAB they will accept her, although some people are having to wait up to a year to actually get to boot camp. The Navy hires 50,000 sailors a year, the are pushing right now for more women to enlist in non-traditional roles (that includes MAs). If she really is interested she should go ahead and enlist as a DEPPER so that she won't have to wait so long after high school. In reality, even though you are sworn in at the time they can't make you honor that contract until the minute you arrive in boot camp, up till then you can change you mind.....but only once. All of this information came to me through The Commander of the RDC.....the woman incharge of ALL recruits that enter the Navy. There is a lot of good information on this site, a lot of moms who can give you advice and support, but you have to weed out the opinions from the facts. If your daughter wants to talk to another female that is already in the Navy (who has been for almost 3 years now), make me a friend and I will send you a personal message with her ship email address and your daughter can write her and ask her questions. Believe me Ashley will be honest....the good and the bad!

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Permalink Reply by nutswithtwins on June 27, 2009 at 12:29pm

well I had almost the same story, my daughter was 17 when she took the test and decide to join, she took the oath and all. Just before she was to leave she ran away with a boy.. she ended up not leaving when she should have and said she was not going.. as upset as I was, I told her it was her decision and I would be here if she wanted to talk about it.. well after 6 months, she broke up with the guy and had no job and could not find one. She was liveing in another state with friends. She contacted the recruiter and decided to give the Navy a chance, she needed to wait 10 months to leave for the job she wanted.. She left two weeks ago. I let her make the decision, I just gave her the support and a touch of incouragement of the opertunitys the Navy would give her in a time that no one can find a job anywhere. I am very proud of her that she did the right thing. I recieved my first letter from her yesterday, she said it is a lot of hard work, but, she is happy she joined. It all works out in the end, I would have the recruiter keep in touch with her, (he will anyway) he will help her make her decision.

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Permalink Reply by Nancy S on June 28, 2009 at 5:57pm

My son went to community college for 2 years, then enlisted. He was more mature and confident in his decision. At the very least, treat this decision as if you were applying for college. She can wait until spring (March) to make her final decision. You don't know what opportunities or maybe even scolarships might be available to her until then. Besides, she may still decide to join but have an interest in another field such as communications, photography, electronics or technology. Use this last year of HS to explore different subjects and school activities. A junior in high school is usually too young to be planning their life after graduation. I would ask her to wait.

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