How to know if my stepson will be right for the Navy

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Permalink Reply by Tamie (mom of Michael) on April 26, 2009 at 4:11pm

Hi Louise, welcome to the Navy world, It sounds like the Navy would be a place for your son or any military at this point, I am not sure about what is DWI would do from letting him in. But I do believe the Navy frowns on such things. My son got a Major traffic ticket right before entering in, and he had to work like #$#@ to get it paid for before they would even think of him. Have your son, if you can go talk to a recruiter, and get some idea's of what he would like to do with his life. It is the best place to learn and get money for collage. It is hard not to help your kids when they need help the way the job market is right now I think that my son Mike is in the best place to be. getting his education in the Navy. He is a corpsman, and loves it. He did have some collage, and a job as a EMT before joining the Navy. Having a little bit of collage does help in getting in at a higher rank with a little more pay.so that is good. I wish you all the luck, and just tell him it wouldn't hurt to just go listen to a recruiter. they now if your son will be able to join or not, or at least have him get things in order before joining.
love, Tamie

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Permalink Reply by Achseh on April 26, 2009 at 7:58pm

No, he is not right for the Navy because HE doesn't want it YOU want it. The military isn't the place for those who are not fitting in, it's the place for those who want to serve their country. If he doesn't want it, it won't solve anyone's problems, except maybe yours.

Sounds like time for some tough love and time to cut him off monetarily.

Good luck!

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Permalink Reply by Hoppi aka Angie on April 26, 2009 at 8:11pm

Someone has to want to join the USN! If he wants to join, he can go talk to a recruiter, you can't push someone into joining the military.

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Permalink Reply by Paula on April 26, 2009 at 9:59pm

Wow I understand where the moms are coming from but maybe we can lose the exclamation marks, Louise was just asking. Louise welcome to navy for moms. The ladies are correct, it is the same for anything, college, tech school, a job or the military. If there is no self motivation, it will not work he will be more miserable than ever. You can go to a recruiter & get some paperwork and show it to him, if he seems interested he can go talk to the recruiter himself. No one can handle this situation but you guys. I do agree with Achseh, it is time for some tuff love. No money, no place to crash, no keys available to any vehicles. Unfortunately, every child is different. The problem is his mom must be on the same page as both of you. I wish you the best of luck, keep me informed.

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Permalink Reply by Louise on April 27, 2009 at 10:48am

Ladies, thank you all very much for your replies and your input. Right now, I am only looking to put the idea out there to him, that's all. I understand completely that HE has to be the one to want to join, and as I mentioned in my post, I am only wanting to try and get him interested. I would imagine that many young men who have joined did not know much about it either, and wouldn't have even thought about it if it weren't for someone suggesting it to them. Someone has to be the first one to talk about it, no?

Tamie and Paula, I really appreciate your replies. I certainly wouldn't want my stepson to think that just because I'm suggesting something, he should do it. Sure, this is what I'd love to see him get into, but again, all I am hoping for is to give him this direction, and all I can ask is that he talk to a recruiter, to offer suggestions. I realize we can't decide what he will do with his life. As I said earlier, I do think he is bright and has a lot to offer, in whatever field he chooses. He is also well liked, polite, and athletic. He just is at the point where he needs a push, but also where he definitely needs that tough love.

It is just really hard for me right now because as a stepmom, I feel as if I am stuck in-between when it comes to my stepson. On one hand, friends tell me to not get involved and not to do anything, and let the parents handle everything. On the other, I feel as I have to do what's in my heart and that is encourage him to better himself, because the parents are just not doing enough. My husband feels that since he is back in school, things will be fine but I don't feel he really wants to be there, and he's just getting by on his grades. I am hoping he finds that place where he really wants to be. Whatever he ends up doing, I would love for him to have a sense of accomplishment.

I probably should have mentioned in my post, that my father was in the Navy, which is one of the reasons I thought of this for my stepson. I have old photos of my dad looking very handsome in his Navy uniform. And I still have his peacoat!!!

Thank you again ladies, I really appreciate your answers!
Louise

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Permalink Reply by Achseh on April 27, 2009 at 6:30pm

Louise, listen to your friends. You will be damned if you do and damned if you don't. Best to stay out of it.

If you still want to put the bug in his ear, stop by the recruiter's office, pick up their brochures and leave them on the coffee table. Absolutely no more than making them available should he decide to pick one up and certainly do not mention it at all.

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Permalink Reply by judy crawford on April 28, 2009 at 12:59pm

lousie i agree with everyone else.i to wondered about my son going in but now he is in and love it sometimes this is maybe what he wants is some tough love ,i know i was to easy on my Sailor but like i siad i cant be more proud of a person then i am of my Sailor.so its a hard one to decided.the navy will get him on the right track if nothing else.but i to think the dwi will be a problem. hope this helps....

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Permalink Reply by Bea S. on April 28, 2009 at 1:36pm

I am with Achseh & Hoppi aka Angie on this one. Being in the Navy is not a walk in the park. It's hard work. My son is a nuke officer on a sub. The very last thing he would wants under his watch is a sailor who was a lazy civilian who was more interested in chilling out than working. If you think an officer is tough, some of the senior enlisted guys have absolutely no tolerance and are even more damanding (no one has time or the inclination to babysit). I am sorry if I am not making nice - the safety of the crew depends on the everyone doing his/her job.

If your stepson decides to turn his life around, the Navy (any of the branches for that matter) will be wonderful for him. One of my younger son's friends joined the Navy right out of high school (at 19). Within one year, he had gotten his AA degree and was working on getting a firefighter's certification and a paramedic's certification. He is on a carrier, he takes as many classes as he can get online. Sometimes they fly in instructors to the carrier to conduct these classes. By the times he finishes his commitment (unless he re-ups), he will have just one year (maximum two years) left to get his college degree. With his two certificates, his research indicated that he will probably start around 80 to 90K per year even without his degree. However, this is one motivated individual. He researched his options and made the commitment.
I know another officer who joined the Navy at 18, got his BS in engineering and is currently attending a very prestigious school for his MBA. I also know another young man who joined right out of high school, just to get away from his abusive parents. He learned a trade and is supporting a wife and kids.

A lot of good can come out of joining the service for the RIGHT INDIVIDUAL.

Your stepson's issues may be much deeper than just motivatioin. You sound like a great stepmom for wanting him to do SOMETHING. I am sure it's frustrating for all parties concerned. My sons are 24 & 20 - so I am experienced with young adults. Sometimes, there's just nothing anyone can do. He is the way he is going to be. My husband has a friend from college who never worked enough to collect social security (40 quarters??) - he simply waited to get his inheritance. Today he is 63 and still sitting around smoking weed. I look at him and think "What a waste!" - this guy was smart, athletic - he could've been anything. My husband thought his father should have cut him off in his early 20s before it became a routine to ask for a handout periodically.

I would recommend the following but this has to be done by his father and mother (not you):
1. Set a specific dollar amount that the family is willing to subsidize.
2. Set a specific time line for reaching certain goals.
3. Review on a regular basis his finances.
4. Ask for a log of his expenditures and a schedule of activities.
5. Take him to a pyschologist/therapist - sometimes there are deep seated reasons a person does not want to grow up. Is he doing drugs? associate with the wrong crowd? does he have low self-esteem because he graduated from high school late?
6. Put everything in wrtting.
7. Commit to being supportive emotionally (regardless of what you may discover in #5).
8. Given that he has to be self supporting, ask him what he would like to do with his life. Let him know that whatever he wants to become, it's OK.

Good luck.

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Permalink Reply by Texas Carol on April 28, 2009 at 3:32pm

Hi Louise,

I know some of what I say will merely echo others. Your step-son has to want to be in the Navy and has to want it enough to make lifestyle changes. If he enlists and gets in trouble, mommy and daddy can't help him get out of it ... and then he'll just be in a long-term state of misery.

If this is something he truly wants ... and I would not even encourage him until he researches it (perhaps he could even take some ROTC classes in college) ... the Navy does accept some people with records, but certain security classifications and job options will not be available in those circumstances.

It's very hard for young people to find their passion. I wish you all the best.

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Permalink Reply by Carol CGB on April 29, 2009 at 3:45am

Navy discipline would certainly be a plus for anyone who needs direction. Some offenses are forgivable by military standards, a DUI may not be a deal breaker. He should get some testing done to see where his strengths lie, he should talk to a recruiter, w/ you and your husband along, to find out all the different programs and vocations available. But just as others have said, he has to want it, and be willing to work hard at it...there is no free lunch in the military.

Military life is very structured and rigorous, if he is a stalwart lad, he should have no problem holding his own. God Bless you all and I hope he finds a path that meets his needs.

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Permalink Reply by Karen Gallagher on April 29, 2009 at 9:14am

Louise

I know that if he puts his mind to it he would do well in the navy. He would need to want to do this as is stated by some other moms. The thing about the navy is that they do make you "grow up" but are still taken care of in some respects. they are "given" a place to live, told what to wear, three meals a day and the opportunity to an education with the potential to see the world.

Plant the seed and see what happens, it is not a bad life by far, and he may like the idea of it. There are down falls to every plan but..... again he could get an education to carry him over into the "real world" to help get a job when he is finished.

God BLess and let us know what he decides to do

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Permalink Reply by Kimandtheboys on May 1, 2009 at 11:39pm

He is very fortunate to have a stepmother who cares for him this much.

No advice, just wanted to let you know that. :)

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