MY FIRST BORN IS GOING AWAY....I AM WORRIED AND MY HEART IS BROKEN

Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Sherry from FL. / Mathews Mama on February 11, 2009 at 5:30am

Diana, This sounds a lot like my son. He graduated Boot Camp on 1/30/09 in the Great Lakes. He was my first born also. I was not adopted, however, my parents were never there, always on there "own" jobs and other important things in life. I Pretty much had no guidance, throughout my whole life. I was as distraught as you, getting more upset, even making myself sick over the upcoming days till he left. I worried about the same things, However, my son had no ambition to go to college at all. I was proud that he wanted to go into the Navy to do "something" with his life. It has been hard, but a lot of prayers, writing him, letting him know you approve and love him go a long way. As many have told me, as hard as it is, its time to cut the cord. He is now in holding for A school and is a much stronger man sailor, matured and is very responsible. I had to let him grow up, as hard as it was, and he has made me so proud, and has been so proud of himself! I have to go now, to get ready for work, I will try to see if you respond later. Good luck, he will be ok...believe me, in Boot Camp, he will not be drinking!!! Have a great and Blessed day! Talk on here, it helps!

▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Barb Pruitt on February 11, 2009 at 8:36am

Diana,

You are in the right place, each moms situations may be different, but we all want what is best for our kids. And the crying when they leave is just part of it. I had someone very important to me once tell me, you only cry because the person you are crying about is very important to you. Let your son know that. But most of all support him in going in. Yes bootcamp is hard, and it takes a long time to get over them leaving. But trust me as an ex military wife, with a daughter, son and son in law in. The change you will see in your son from the day he leaves to the day he graduates bootcamp will BLOW you away. Go to graduation if you can make it. Send him letters, support and take lots of asprin. I cried everyday my daughter was in bootcamp. Then again everyday my son was in bootcamp. And now I worry everytime I think of where they are sometimes. There will always be worries, but trust me the joys that come along the way truly make up for it. I spent almost 10 years as a military wife, and now am a true believer that all kids should do at least 2 years in the military. Both of my kids when to college and got almost ready to graduate and joined. Both were pulling 3.5's so grades were not an issue. They just needed more. And the navy will give your son more than he would ever get on the outside. He will makes friends that will last a lifetime. We still almost 25 years later meet with the old navy guys we were stationed all over the world with. Make sure you write him daily, bootcamp is hard and the cards and letters they get from home REALLY help. I have always felt this is like the final kick you give the little bird to get out of the nest and fly. And fly he will. You will be so proud of him and the accomplishments he makes. God bless it does get better.

▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Mari~Adam & Brandon's mom on March 5, 2009 at 3:14am

I'm with you Diana! It was so hard sending that first one off to boot. The second one was easier but still tough. I sent my boys a card or letter every day & tried to include a few pictures in every one. Keep in mind they have very little space to store anything. Our oldest son was the RCPO for his division & the first time he called me I didn't recognize his voice. He had no voice! When he brought his division into the graduation hall I just about burst with pride! He's a Seabee and has been in for 6-1/2 years but will be getting out soon. In that time he's been to Iraq 3 times, Kuwait, Spain, Cuba & Guam. Our younger son is part of an squadron, has been in for 3 years & is on his 2nd cruise aboard a carrier. We couldn't be prouder of the men our sons have become. They are both tough but caring people. You have to trust that you have done your job as a parent. You send your child to boot camp & an adult emerges. You will see incredible changes in your son over the next couple years.
One more thing... When we went to our oldest sons graduation from boot he said he'd love to do it all over again! Ha! He's weird.

▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by DIANA CLEMONS on February 11, 2009 at 11:34am

THANK YOU BARB AND SHERRY

I KNOW OTHER MOTHERS MUST FEEL THE WAY I DO, BUT SOME REASON I DON'T KNOW I FELT ALONE.
I KNOW I WILL STILL WORRY AND MY DAUGHTER WILL CONSTANTLY ASK WHERE HER BROTHER IS.
I WONDER HOW HARD IT WILL BE LIVING WITHOUT HIM IN THE HOUSE.
IF LETTING MY SON GO IS THIS HARD I AM REALLY GOING TO HATE IT WHEN MY DAUGHTER GROWS UP
MAY I ASK WHEN YOUR SON GRADUATED FROM HIGH SCHOOL DID HE GO RIGHT INTO THE NAVY?
WHAT DOES ANYONE THINK ABOUT HAVING MY SON GO INTO THE RESERVES AND ATTEND COLLEGE ?
WILL HE STILL QUALIFY FOR FINANCIAL AID?
MY INCOME IS NOT WHERE IT WAS AND I HATE IT, 4 YRS AGO I WAS LAID OFF AND HAD TO SELL MY HOUSE
I HAD PLANS TO USE MONEY FROM THE HOUSE FOR HIM BUT NOW I HAVE USED IT LIVING
DOES ANYONE KNOW MORE ABOUT THE RESERVES?

AND I MUST SAY I AM PROUD TO BE A WOMAN WE ARE SOOO SUPPORTIVE
IT TAKES A TRUE KIND HEARTED PERSON TO WANT TO GIVE ADVICE OR MAKE SOMEONE FEEL BETTER.
I AM HAPPY TO SEE THERE ARE GOOD PEOPLE OUT THERE

▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Hoppi aka Angie on February 11, 2009 at 12:21pm

Please take off the CAPS that is yelling on the computer.

He will have to check to see if he quals for financial aid from the college.

With the reserves he will go to bootcamp, than off to "A" school and maybe a "C" school. Once he is done with his training he will report back to his NOSC (Navy Operational Support Center) and there he will do his drills (one weekend a month and two weeks a summer). Depending on his rate and his unit there is a chance he can be called to Active duty to support the war.

While he is in bootcamp and "A" school (and "C" school if he gets one). He will get a regular pay check, will have full medical and dental insurance. Once he leaves school and goes back to his reserve center (aka NOSC) he will only get paid for the days he drills (one weekend counts as 4 days pay), he will only have medical and dental while he is drilling unless he pays for it. This website has good info on the benfits for reserves:
http://www.navyreserve.com/benefits/enlisted/

▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Sherry from FL. / Mathews Mama on February 11, 2009 at 3:14pm

We may be good or bad people, but we all know how it feels. I dont think any of us women would wish this on our worst enemy! This is a hurt that you just cant explain to some people. I feel for you, if you want to keep in touch go and leave me a comment at the bottom of my page! It will be a little more personal! Thanks for being you and caring for your children, there are so many out there that dont have loving families. Thanks for making me feel better also! :) Have a better day than yesterday! Sherry

▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Hoppi aka Angie on February 11, 2009 at 12:23pm

FYI: If he joins the reserves he will not be able to switch to Active duty while in bootcamp or "A" school. Also if he joins Active duty he will NOT be able to switch to the reserves until his Active duty contract is up! So he needs to make sure he joins the one he wants to.

▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Jor-Jean (AM Kyle ) on February 11, 2009 at 11:53pm

Diana Welcome :)
Come join our DEEPER's group, we a bunch of women with children in the delayed entry program waiting for Bootcamp. We support each other and learn as we go. All of us need support and understanding for most of us this is a new experience. BIG HUG , and no I'm not shouting at you :)

▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Vonnie W (proud of my son) on February 28, 2009 at 10:10pm

I agree with both moms. I have family that lives in towns by me but are not always there. My kids are my life. Justin is my first born, he has a huge heart. He lived close by us but did not always see him like I wanted to. Justin moved back home in Sept 08 and I was so excited. He had always wanted the military but being he is 29, 30 in July I thought that was out of his thought process. I so wanted college I figured that was a safe spot, my son because of medical reason years back did not get his GED. Now at 29 he did,I am so proud of him. And yet that was not enough, he lost weight with a purpose in mind, the military. He wants schooling and wants to see the world. I don't want to release him, did I cry yes and my heart is broken and feels so empty. But after his swearing in I had to decide, either I be mad at what he chose or embrace what he chose and back him up. I am trusting my faith in God that he will protect him. My son is not a jock, he has a big heart so I am worried about BC for him. He is used to the cold, we are in Minnesota but he does not like it. He wants to be in an area of service to help other, corpsmen, and help protect his little sister who is 11. He said mom, I would be part of something to protect you all and die than sit back and do nothing. I want schooling and see things. So at sick as I feel and sad, I have to let him go and spread his wings and trust the good Lord will bring him and all our loved one home. I am proud of him, scared and worried but very, very proud. My son is a man but will be a better polished man.
We will just all uphold each other and have faith. My son left for BC on 2/24.

▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by paula lord on March 5, 2009 at 1:12pm

Since my oldest son decided to join the army insteadgoing to of prison I was not really scared of the navy but the army does scare me i put my faith in God here is what my mother said
'

'when they're in the service they get leave- prison doesn't do that' this son has had trouble maturing he is 24 hopefully this is the right answer for him he is a lot like his dad was and my inlaws told me often that without the army and Viet nam my husband would never r have grown up enough to take care of his kids

▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Betty Guillen on March 2, 2009 at 10:58pm

Diana,
I felt your pain and anguish. It was so long ago yet it seems like just yesterday. My sailor has now been in the Navy for 6 years and re-enlisted for another 3. The Navy will not break you son...it will make him a MAN that is for sure. But, Diana, he will be wiser, mature beyond his years after a year or so. He will become confident but in a different way. In High School I think boys can get "full of themselves" and they think it's confidence...you'll now exactly what I mean when you see him at graduation. He may never live in your home again, he may never live close to you again. But, do not be dishearted. He will become closer to you than he ever has been and will be mature and confident to show you. I guarantee there is not a day that goes by that he doesn't brag on his Mom. After a week of cleaning duty...trust me he will have a completely different opinion of Mom and an entirely new appreciation. Don't be angry, frustrated or depressed...
it doesn't help your son. He wants you to be happy for him...he needs for you to be happy for him! It's a huge world out there. Just think of the wonderful sights he will see. The experiences he will pass to his children and grandchildren! When you get to down go surf the net and inhale all the information that net will supply about the Navy, Navy life. Start looking up flights to where you think he may be stationed. OMG! When you see him in his uniform...it's like the pain of child birth...it just disappears! He will be so handsome...he will be the culmination of your up bringing and the Navy and will be a defender of our freedom! OOHRAH! GO NAVY!

▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by paula lord on March 5, 2009 at 1:25pm

ben came to see me just after Christmas I TEARED UP ON SEEING HIM HE WAS so handsome I am disabled and i am stuck in a wheelchair I live in a nursing home even though I AM STILL UNDER SIXTY I am happy for him he wanted this very badly whatever the recruiter asked him to do he did i do not have an address to write to him I have said enough now

▶ Reply to This

• First
• Previous
• Next
• Last