My mom dosn't want me to leave
Okay so i'm obviously not a "navy mom" but im a 19 year old college student at Bennett College for women. I've always wanted to go into the military and i excelled in JROTC in high school. I"m coming towards the end of my first year of college and i've decided to go to the Navy reserve until i'm finished with school and then go active duty. I probably wont be leaving for basic for a while but i have 12 months to do it. When i told my mom about my decesion she fliped!! It was a mix of all kinds of emotions first she was angry then she was really sad. My moms biggest fear is that i'll be called active duty and deployed. She just keeps repeating how she dosnt want to see her baby girl in anybody's war. As much as i try to reasure her that nothing will happen to me she only expects the worst. She is a single mom and i'm the first to leave, although i'm just a hour away from home she has sever seperation anxiety and gets really sad when i dont come home. She wants me to finish school before i do anything and she thinks that if i got to the reserve that i'll never finish scool. I respect my mothers opinion but i think that i'm old enough to make my own decesions and that its time for me to make my own path with my life. How can i convince her that i'm making the right decesion and that i'll be okay??
Tags: angry, fear, mom, sad, seperation
Views: 102
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by NavyPop on -
I am obviously not a NavyMom either but I am here to support my son. I found NavyDads after this site and the information we receive there is usually a week behind this site so I decided to stick around. If you have viewed the page I set up I stated from the beginning that I wished my son had finished school first. You are right that it is ultimately you decision and you seem to have a solid head on your shoulders. Freshman students usually don't hold the distant views that you are contemplating. I have to say however I agree with your mother. Unless you need the money the Navy isn't going anyplace. They will be there when you finish Bennett. I joined the Army immediately after graduating from college. I can tell you firsthand things come up in the military that will change the best made plans. If you decide to go reserve as you can tell from the mothers on this site it won't take her long at all to become your biggest advocate. She just wants you to understand that us "old fogies" (my words) speak from the road we've traveled. Good luck whichever path you take. I'm sure you'll do fine.
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Permalink Reply by Nathalie in CA. on -
wow NavyPop! those are great words of wisdom!! ....Jackie'sbabygirl......you do sound like you are pretty solid. My oldest, 22 year old Nicole is in boot camp now. She was never very academic but went to junior college courses never serious about any of them. Her sister is 21 and in her 3rd year of college. She has always earned excellent grades. Different daughters different expectations.......I do know that when Nicole came to me at 19 wanting to enlist, I was very emotional and put my foot down saying "absolutely not"!!! lol...can't believe she listened!!!! The best thing for her was that she did stay in school, matured, spent time with friends and younger siblings/cousins and when she at 21 said the Navy was what she wanted......then I was ready because I knew she was ready!!!! She grew in those 2 years so much!!! Now I know she is going to do great and is ready for the experiences in the Navy!!!! Hope this helps and good luck to you!!!
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Permalink Reply by Jody Gault on -
Hi there. I'm about to put a different 'spin' on this for you. Our son graduated high school last June with full honors. He was going to go to community college for 2 yrs (where he had full paid scholarship) then onward to UCF here in Orlando. He'd been teeter tottering between college and the military since he was 16. The same week as college open house that he'd enrolled in he up and enlisted in the Navy. We were a bit shocked but realized it was his decision as an 18 yr old adult. After we learned more about the military (we're not from a military background-hubby's cousin is retired Air Force and her daughter just had graduated Navy bootcamp) we realized that it was a good plan that he had well thought out. Although our hearts bleed for missing him we realized that, especially in today's economy, he made the very best decision. After he gets thru his A schooling he plans to do online courses to get his bachelors and then, perhaps, go back to UCF after his 4 yrs is up. I have been unemployed (layed off from job in November) until 2 weeks ago and let me tell you that there are college students in line with me that just graduated with all these degrees at job fairs and the career center. Finding a good paying job in today's world isn't easy-especially if you come straight out of college with all these degrees but no experience. Bottom line, as a parent (the way we parent our children) is as an adult it is our son's choice in how he molds his life. He can only live from his own experiences. Best wishes to you and your family in whatever you decide to do and if it's the military I hope you have your mothers blessing.
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Permalink Reply by Norene Crawford on
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My Son was in the same boat. He was trying to decide if he wanted to go to College or go in the Service. After going to Hawaii and visiting the Ariz, he decided to go into the service. When he delivered that little bomb shell, of course I did the mother thing, but understood where he was coming from. They had just closed my plant and I had no way of helping him with college, so he decided to go in the service and get his education. I was so proud of him for his decision to go. He has gotten a better education than I could have paid for. As far as you Mother goes, she is a mom and until you walk a mile in her shoes you won't understand that feeling. But SHE will be so proud of you if you go in, it is just a mother thing she is going through. Lot of Luck
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Permalink Reply by WVnukemom on -
Like the other moms and dad posted, you need to make the decision that is right for you. Yes, she is your mother no matter what and yes she will worry that you will be deployed when needed, nothing will stop that. As a mother of a son in boot camp now I worried about it too as I still do, but the Navy, I felt as well as my son, was the best branch for him. You need to talk to a recruiter for classes because you can enter with an officer status and earn more money. My son joined because we have been having a lot of plant shut downs too. I've been off work since November and his dad got laid off last month too. We felt he made the right choice and once you get all the facts,talk with her again. PS it wouldn't hurt to have her read this site to see how very Proud we are of our kids, husbands, wifes. etc for supporting our country.
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Permalink Reply by RuthAnn on -
I know just how your mom feels. I too am a single mom. My children and I have been through ALOT together. When my oldest son decided to join the navy after 1 year in college, I flipped out. I was NOT happy. He was honors everything in high school, graduated top of his class, national honor society, etc. I didn't feel the military would give him what he needed for a successful career that he deserved. Well, I was wrong. Brian was very secretive while planning his choices, so by the time I knew about it...the decisions were made. I still flipped, but he wasn't changing his mind, so I didn't have a choice. It has been wonderful for him. He is a NUKE and is doing great. I couldn't be prouder of him. BUT....it is so extremely difficult to let your kids go as a mom especially when you are a single mom and have centered your world strictly around your kids...right or wrong it's HARD. I cried for days when my son left, but he followed what he wanted to do and it was right for him. My advice is this....make your decisions as to what is best for you. Someone said that as parents we have traveled down roads and try to prevent our kids from making mistakes...that's true. But, you sill have to make the choices and decisions for your future that are right for you and be prepared to live with them. My middle son just joined the navy yesterday. It breaks my heart to think of him leaving too..... BUT, he's planning for his life and his future and making his own way. So, for that...I am proud and thankful. Your mom will eventually come around. Be patient and understanding, yet, be firm in your choices for yourself.
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Permalink Reply by AngieFromWA:BUDS Mom/ HM alumnus on -
Lisa, I'm sorry it has been a rough road for you and your son! You didn't say how old he is, but regardless, if he was old enough to enlist on his own, then the Recruiter probably cannot give you any information on him without his consent. :( However, if you know who his Recruiter is or what office he is out of, and explain your situation, then you might be able to at least get confirmation that he did in fact arrive in GL. You'll have someone local to ask general Navy questions of, plus you'll learn a lot here on site as well. If he can at least give you the # of the Division your son is in, then you can begin to connect with other Moms whose Recruits have the same PIR (graduation) date and/or are in the Div, and so vicariously follow along and learn from the info and letters they share. We usually recommend that Moms call the Recruiters within 72 hours to get the address at BC to start writing to their Recruit. Don't think you'll be able to do that, but it might be therapeutic for you to go ahead and start writing letters anyways. It must be so hard for you right now, I'm sure it has been all this time. He is an adult though, so be patient, don't push or make demands, let him take the lead. If he does write home, then you'll have some ready to send back. Keep them upbeat, and focused on his present journey. Let him know you are so proud of him for taking this big step towards a bright future full of opportunities. Nothing beats a Moms unconditional love and prayers. :-)
If he left with a cell phone, that will get sent back in his box. He'll want that after BC/PIR, when he gets to "A"school and he'll need someone to send it to him, along with perhaps some of his personal items he stored away. I must have gone through my college son's storage unit 5 times to put together boxes to send! Hopefully, if nothing else, he will reach out then. Many Recruits find that they have lots of time to think while they are away. Some discover a new appreciation of things and especially of loved ones/family members that they previously took for granted or distanced themselves from. BC, especially in the first few weeks, can be a very difficult, lonely, isolating time, they live for mail call. He may realize that he really needs your support to make it through these 8 weeks and beyond. I really hope so. The PIR ceremony is an amazing time to celebrate their accomplishments. I will pray you will be able to be there. God Bless.
p.s. if he shares your last name, you do need to change your profile to protect him, and you. OPSEC rules prohibit posting a Recruits/ Sailors last name on site. :)
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Permalink Reply by Proud Mom Of Jon on -
Thanks for the info and encouragment Angie.
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Permalink Reply by AngieFromWA:BUDS Mom/ HM alumnus on
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You are welcome Lisa. =) It looks like you have deleted your original comment, so my reply looks a bit out of place here, as if I responded to the wrong discussion! LOL I do hope you have heard that Jon is at BC and doing well. Keep us posted on how things go between you all. Hang in there!
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Permalink Reply by Proud Mom Of Jon on
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I did speak with his recruiter. He did ensure me that my son was "delivered" to bootcamp all safe and sound. That is a weight off my mind. He is also going to call me when his adress and division are posted in the next few days. I think he will have a PIR of 5/29. We will have to wait and see.
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Permalink Reply by Barbara Kovar on -
You sound like a very level-headed 19 year old!! I hope you go ahead with your decision. It may help your mother to talk with your recruiter; that really helped me when my son began talking about joining the Navy. He signed up at age 17 on the delayed entry program, and his mind was made up. I understand your mother's fears because I had many of those same fears myself. And I won't say it's easy to have my "baby" far away from home. But he is doing great work for our country, and you will too, if you DO join. Good luck in your decision-making !!!
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Permalink Reply by Ginger on -
Bennett College here in Greensboro??? I'm the Mom of a sailor in Japan and quite frankly I'm so glad that he has a secure job in this sorry economy. My son went to Western Guilford HS then to GTCC. He took everything but didn't know what to major in. He was on the delayed entry program. He has had a few bumps in the road, but he is glad he joined and likes his job. He is on the USS George Washington..Good Luck to you and the decisions you will make. You know ,depending on the job you have in the Navy, it is alot safer than on the ground somewhere...
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