My son deployed in my grandkids were small, need some help

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Permalink Reply by Barbara - Very Proud of D on June 28, 2009 at 11:28pm

We have a Navy diver who lives in town and when he leaves his child (around 7 I do believe) is told Daddy's going to get those bad guys. The child accepts this and looks forward to hearing from Daddy when he calls.

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Permalink Reply by navywoman16 on June 29, 2009 at 2:21am

Thanks Barbara

We seemed to have a problem with his first deployments. They claimed to have hated their dad until a week before he came home.

My grandaughter who is 5 hasn't wet the bed in a very long time. When the kids came in they claimed to be 6 and 8 when daddy comes home. Last night she wet the bed. I was trying to find out if others have seen that behavior and what they were able to do with it.

I bought a web camera hoping they can see with with the skype. Do you know if that would work.


Thanks

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Permalink Reply by Achseh on June 29, 2009 at 12:09pm

Sesame Street has developed a video for kids whose parents are deployed and there are now many books out there for kids talking about deployment. Check your library and check out a few to read to them. They need to know they aren't alone and that other kids have parent's away, too. Check out the Sesame Street website for more details of their resources. http://www.sesameworkshop.org/initiatives/emotion/tlc

Also, my kids found it helpful to have a good routine, that included time each week that we called "Daddy time" where they would write to him, draw him pictures, help videotape things they were doing to send to Daddy to see and help put together care packages. We very much made deployments a "family thing" while also trying to stick to the everyday routine as much as possible.

We also would have some sort of activity I planned at least once a month, a "half way party' or something special (an outting) to have something on the calendar to look forward to and mark time. We had calendars on the wall, each child could mark each day or week gone with a sticker, as well as a world map to show where Daddy was deploying.

The point is to plan activities, talk things out as much as possible, give them opportunities to meet up with kids whose parents are also deployed or have been deployed and not change too much in the routine. Have extra interaction with grandparents is also very helpful for them to have another adult they can feel comfortable talking with- they know Mom can be stressed and they sometimes, even this young, are reluctant to burden her with their concerns.

Good luck!

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Permalink Reply by navywoman16 on July 1, 2009 at 3:00am

Thank you very much for the website. My daughter in law hasn't ever handled his deployments well. So I keep the kids 5 days a week and her days off she has the kids. I'm always there if she needs me and my son knows I'd do anything in the world to help his family, cope, and deal with the at home side of the deployment. So at my home I do keep a routine, even with him being home.

What is a "half way party"? That sounds interesting. Thanks again for the advice.

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Permalink Reply by Achseh on July 1, 2009 at 12:04pm

You're a good gramma!

We mark the "halfway" point on the calendar- 90 days for a 6 month cruise, etc- and then we'd have our own little celebration. I'd let the kids pick out what they wanted to do- sometimes it was spend the day in their pajamas, eat 'backwards' for the day (dinner for breakfast, etc), do a craft to send to Dad, go to a museum or movie, etc. Usually it was something silly and definitely out of the ordinary. The key, though, is to include Dad, too, in some way. Just something to mark the time and celebrate the down swing.

Maybe take the lawn ornament (think gnome) on a trip around town, take his picture with certain well known sites and then put them in a mini-book the kids write a story about. My kids loved to send him pictures from "their point of view" and he liked the 'taste of home".

Good luck!

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