Thank you to all that tried to help.

Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Achseh on July 7, 2009 at 11:56am

Denise,

Hallelujah that your son is doing better. I'm so glad you were able to get the tickets changed and will be able to get back there to be with him.

I would hold off on writing a letter. The fact that his supervisor has visited him and spoken with you a few times is indication that they are concerned for him. There's nothing more in their power than can do and with HiPPA laws and dealing with adult children, it becomes a murky issue to try to navigate, even with the best intentions. Best to follow your son's wishes in this regard.

Good healing wishes his way!

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Permalink Reply by Denise 1 ( Seabee's rock ) on July 7, 2009 at 12:16pm

Thank you. Even my sons supervisor said that it is bull that someone has not called me. I know there is the hippa laws. But I do know that the CMC can make things happen also. But I am not trying to put a letter together today. I will give it all some thought and do things when i return home

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Permalink Reply by Achseh on July 7, 2009 at 3:38pm

I probably should have explained my answer a bit--we, my husband and I, have spent a lot of time over his 23 year career and our 24 year marriage becoming as 'invisible' as possible to his parents. The relationship is a toxic one and thank God for the Navy giving us the 'cover' needed to put some distance from them. Perhaps surprisingly, we are not the only ones, we have found, who are in the same situation. Given that, if my husband were injured and someone from the ship called his parents (even before he was married), he would be furious and it would actually hinder his healing.

Now, that's an extreme situation, but because the military is made up of a lot of different folks and because it's also a bureaucratic machine, it's not uncommon for there not to be that direct contact with extended families. That said, it's also not uncommon for an ombudsman to function in this manner, as their focus is more on families than on the Navy. It's a catch 22 and sometimes people choose to err on the side of caution rather than extend themselves out there.

Either way, I'm so very happy to hear you are going to be with him and that at least in his immediate command he has a caring supervisor. I'll continue to pray for him and you.

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Permalink Reply by Paula on July 7, 2009 at 7:51pm

That was really nice that you clarified your earlier statement. This is why NAVYMOMS stick together. We are all here for each other & to let each other know how many different circumstances their can be. SO GLAD HE IS DOING BETTER, and things are falling into place for your family,

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Permalink Reply by Heidi in Nor Cal on July 8, 2009 at 9:51am

i have a son who is single so thank you for the advice but I have one question what is a POA
Heidi

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Permalink Reply by BethB on July 17, 2009 at 3:05pm

This is another good case where I feel the need to point out that it is well worth the investment to get a LAWYER to draft the POA. I'm not knocking the ones that the military put out, but each individual case is not a "rubber stamp" one. I was fortunate enough to have contacted my lawyer before my son left for Boot Camp to have one drawn up because I knew that I would be handling his bank account, student loan bills, car registration and Income Taxes. She was very complete and thorough and my POA covers health issues as well as financial. Too many times all that are aware of at the time of departure is the financial end, but as this case points out, other things sometimes happen where it is good to have all of the bases covered. Also, my POA is "open-ended" meaning that it does not expire, and only upon his written request to revoke it does it no longer become valid. My POA only cost 80.00 for the processing - well worth the money.
Another thing to consider - Wills and Living Wills. I knew that the Navy would be drawing up his will for him, and beforehand I went over what all kinds of things might need to be determined - since he's not married and no kids there were no complicated trusts or guardianships that had to be covered, but we discussed how he might want his posessions taken care of, whether he wanted to be an organ doner (as stated on his driver's license - and his thoughts about a living will.
None of these things are the types of conversations we want to be having with our kids when they are so young, but it is better to be prepared.

Denise - my heart and prayers are with you.

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Permalink Reply by NavyMomCarolyn on July 18, 2009 at 6:06am

Thanks Beth..i'm going to have a heart-to-heart with my son when he gets back from deployment. He is single too. He told me before he had things covered, but with all this going on. I can't be sure because I don't even knows who has his POA. I dont care that it wouldnt be me, if he did it that way, just so I know he has it and someone has a copy.

thanks for all the info.
Carolyn

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Permalink Reply by Suzanne on July 18, 2009 at 1:38pm

Beth - THANK YOU for your post! You will have possibly saved some families unnecessary heartache by giving this info. Many folks just want to run out and purchase some power of attorney form and get the signatures and have it notarized. This is usually NOT a good idea. Each power of attorney should be individualized to the person who is giving it. I had my son do a power of attorney and living will before he left for boot camp. I have used the power of attorney countless times - in fact, just yesterday I was at the dept of motor vehicles, getting the title and registration on his truck updated to reflect the proper color (yes, he painted it!) Its very important that if your sailor wants anyone to have access to his/her health info, it must be stated specifically in the power of attorney. And last but not least, make sure you and your sailor have original documents. Many states won't acknowledge a poa unless they can "feel" the notary seal. (We did "extra" copies, jut to make sure.)

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Permalink Reply by Theresa on July 8, 2009 at 12:42pm

Denise,
Do you have a ride from the airport to the hospital? Let me know if there is anything we can do during your time in Virginia. There are lots of moms here that can help you with whatever you need.

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Permalink Reply by Denise 1 ( Seabee's rock ) on July 9, 2009 at 12:27am

I am not sure right now. My sons boss is taking me to him and his gf is taking the family to the apartment. My husband may end up in a motel. Just dont know right now

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Permalink Reply by June on July 8, 2009 at 10:44pm

Denise, I live near Olympia. Is there anything you need/want that I can help with?

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Permalink Reply by Denise 1 ( Seabee's rock ) on July 9, 2009 at 12:28am

thanks but for now I think I am ok. Just want to go

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