Help! My recruit's boyfriend/ girlfriend is driving me NUTS!!

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Comment by Love my G on November 19, 2009 at 1:30pm

Beckilynn - I'm so sorry to hear that Cody and the Mongoose are nesting. This is a pretty bad start for a marriage, and I wouldn't bet a lot of money on it remaining in tact. That's a good thing and a bad thing. It's never good to go through the hurts he's feeling, but if there is any way on earth that things work out, they should be stronger for it. That will mean that she has to grow up, and maybe if she grows up she will act responsibly and realize that you are just as important to Cody as she is, if not more so. She's so young. I also don't know why the heck he was able to do it. I remember Smoke posting that she was jumping through hoop after hoop to get the license! Wow!

I'm sorry this is so hard on you. I eloped with my husband when he was on his 2 weeks of active duty in Anapolis without my parents' blessing. I never felt like I was married because it was a secret. They hated him. When we finally confronted my parents and spoke to them civilly, we told them we wanted to be married and then told them we had run away. My parents were always civil. They NEVER really liked him in our 14 years of marriage, but everyone made it work. You should tell her parents. The sooner everyone knows and can talk about it, the sooner the lies end.

I will pray for Cody to find in the Chaplain someone who he feels he can trust and really talk to. He's going to need help from somewhere, but in the end, Beckilynn, he will always need his momma......so hang in there and be waiting for him.....your shoulder is the only one that can heal his heart.

Comment by NY_Navy_Wife on November 17, 2009 at 1:52pm

Wow I'm so sorry beckilynn, that's just so crazy. I think he should have waited to make sure or at least talked about it. My sailor and I have had countless conversations about the topic to make sure it's something we both want and that neither of us had any doubts at all in our minds. My sailor and I actually did get married last week while he was on leave, but it was with the blessings from everyone, his family & mine. We're both lucky that we dont have any problems between us or our families. If he's doubting things and thinks she's cheating on him, then maybe he should think about getting an anullment or getting counseling or somethig. I know you don't like her, but sometimes things happen. The only thing you can do is be civil, be the better person no matter how hard it may be. I think rebuilding things with your son is more important than hating her. I mean think about the stress he might be going through. I mean he has her and doubting things and his relationship with you is strained, maybe he's scared and stressed fromt he whole situation and doesn't have anyone to turn to. Maybe he just doesn't want to hear the "I told you so" comments, but either way just try to repair what you have with him. It seems like you're always going to hate her, so don't worry about her. I know your time with you son is precious, so just try to avoid arguments to keep things calm and enjoy every moment you have with him.

Comment by beckilynn*Cody's mom* on November 9, 2009 at 12:08pm

Well girls...the mongoose will never go away now. They eloped while he was home on leave between A & C schools. I found out through someone else. Her parents still don't know. From what I can gather he talked to a Chief at his A-school base who told him it would be okay so long as he added her to his paper work as soon as he got the license. What happened to having to get permission? What happened to having to follow the rules? I thought the Navy protected these sailors from money sucking hang ons like her? He was supposed to work for his recruiter while he was home. For some reason they weren't in the office when they were supposed to be so he took the rest of the time off. That gave him/them plenty of time to go to the courthouse and get married. Then after he and I had fought to the death over him getting married to her- he finally, FINALLY realizes he thinks she is cheating on him! Even her friends have been telling him that for months. The last we heard from him on Saturday he was depressed, angry, and I don't know what else. He was supposed to go to talk to the Chaplain today at his new base. I tried being patient. I tried keeping my mouth shut. I tried not hating her so much. Now all I seem to have is a lot of lost time with my son and a daughter in law I can't stand. Thanks Navy.

Comment by Adam's Girl on September 27, 2009 at 9:11pm

Adam gets two weeks off after A school graduation to come home, so we will be looking at engagement rings, but we are waiting a little longer before we get one. we are engaged already, but he wants to get me a real ring. i can't wait until I see him again. distance is so hard. Im in NC and he will be in Texas for a school. so the distance is killer. well that means more time to spend with the future in-laws. we are getting a care package together to send to him as soon as we get an address. the one thing he wants me to send is my home made angel food cake. i don't know how it will survive the shipping, but its worth the effort for my navy man

Comment by NY_Navy_Wife on September 25, 2009 at 10:18am

Hehehe thanks Love my G. It was unexpected and I didn't think he would ask me, at least not now.

Being with him is hard work, the distance can be strenuous, but we try to talk to each other every day or at least text. I'm in school right now and I'm working too, so I have a lot on my plate. I did however, make time to plan a trip to go see him in November for his A-school graduation. I know it's not like PIR, but just to be near him and feel his arms around me is worth it. I have 2 yrs of school left and he has almost the same. I think much less though. Soon he'll be in NY and a lot closer to us (his family & I). I can't wait for that to happen.

Comment by Love my G on September 21, 2009 at 8:56pm

Adam's Girl - my son's g/f has been without him since the last week of May when he left for boot camp. She's a wonderful girl and he's a lucky guy to have her. I love her like my own. They have actually grown closer since he left because now he realizes how wonderful she is and he makes sure he tells her all the time. He'll be leaving for California next week, so he'll be really far away - we're in PA. I will miss him, but I think she'll be missing him more. 2 more years of college and then they plan to get married. So hang in there in the lonely times and the best advice I can give you "good" gals is to remember the man you fell in love with....he'll always be there.

OMG - NY - CONGRATS ON YOUR ENGAGEMENT!!!!!!! Woo Hoo!!!!

Comment by Adam's Girl on September 21, 2009 at 7:27pm

Being with a sailor is hard work. Adam has been in GL for 3 weeks after PIR, now he is going to be in Texas. It's so hard to have to wait so long, but when you love someone as much as I love him, everything works out. I hope every one of your sailors find a girl who will wait for them and support them through everything, even if they are thousands of miles away.

Comment by Love my G on September 14, 2009 at 8:38pm

NY & Adam's Girl.........You are the good girls.......praise the Lord for sending sweethearts like you to our Sailors. As for the Mongoose.....trapping season is around the corner and she is too stupid to keep up the roose! I pray for you every day Beckilynn!

Comment by Adam's Girl on September 10, 2009 at 11:08pm

hi. i saw this group and i was reading all these stories. it breaks my heart to hear about how these girlfriends are treating the sailors and their families. i am one of the "good" girlfriends. i have developed an amazing relationship with my sailor's parents. i don't know what i would do without them. we are all each others support network. they have allowed me to live with them when my family life was rough. we all seem to help each other through the distance and we consider each other family.
most of the girls i have read about seem way to immature to be in a relationship with a military man.
i think if anything i have matured a lot while he was at boot camp and it has caused our relationship to grow much stronger. we have talked about marriage and his parents tell me that they want that to happen as soon as i get through college.

Comment by NY_Navy_Wife on August 26, 2009 at 2:46pm

Yea I will definitely keep you updated! I'm so excited and surprised he asked me. I thought I would never get married to be honest. I think I'll have fun planning a wedding when the time comes, of course with help from his mom because I don't know what I'm doing, but I know what I like. It's my 1 and only time getting married and I want it to be special and no problems. Both of us are happier together and are strong when we're with each other, even though we're both strong individually, but together I feel we are unstoppable.

As far as your son and the gf, if they made plans then I would assume she was going to travel there herself and not with yall. I mean she can't bring up excuses like oh I don't drive because I don't either, but I'll travel to see my sailor. If they were making such big plans why doesn't she go travel does there like a day or two before you guys go then he can get laid and she can leave a couple of days later and let yall have like a day or two with him.

I'm hoping my sailor comes to visit in the next 9 days like we're planning. We'll be alone the first day he arrives home and half of the 2nd day then he'll spend time with his family. Of course I'll be around, but not up his butt lol.

I think all situations can be worked out as long as people are willing. There's no point is being all mad and bringing drama because it make it bad for everyone. I wish everyone would see that because that's how you end up losing people. I'm not saying you, but I mean everyone. If yall can't compromise then he and she need make a plan where everyone is happy, but with minimal contact between you guys and her.

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