My boyfriend is starting the process of signing up for the Navy to become a Navy Seal. He will be taking his ASVAB in a week. And signing all the papers to join. We have been together for more than a year now and we are pretty serious.... the only problem is, is that I have no idea what to expect when he leaves and all the time he will be away. I always try to be helpful and support him... but sometimes it's hard. This coming August I will be a college... so I have to deal with that too... And he will leave for bootcamp the beginning of next summer. What can I expect for when he leaves? How much contact will I have with him? And is it hard to maintain a relationship? Him going into the Navy scares me... but I can't tell him not to... it's his dream. Any help??
It's not hard to maintain a relationship if you are committed and strong. When he leaves for boot camp he'll be gone for two months. In that two months he'll be able to write to you and you'll be able to write to him. He should get 3 phone calls during that two month period, maybe more. After the two months he will graduate and you'll be able to fly to Chicago and see him graduate and then spend the day with him. After that he'll go to A school where he will train for his rate (job) in his case a Navy Seal. During A school he will have his personal belongings and free time so you'll be able to talk, skype, and hopefully visit him on weekends. After he is finished with school he can take leave (vacation) and come home for two weeks are school before he goes off to his duty station or whatever.
So since you are just starting school, you are probably looking at the next four years as being in a long relationship where the only time you see each other are vacation time. Being a military girlfriend is a hard job, make sure he is worth it!!
What eyeronics described for bootcamp is dead on. For um training after that for SEALs I really dont know what all comes with it! But I do know that training for SEALs and special forces is not the same as normal A schools. I don't know that they have the freedoms that the guys do in A school. As far as that goes I would try to find a group possibly for SEALs on here, and ask him if you can go with him to the recruiter's office and have them explain to you what the communication is like, and the training and what you can expect as far as length and other information. I dont know much about SEALs except my Husbands recruiter tried to get him to do it and he decided he didnt't want to. I didn't tell him not to, he just decided not to. So I didnt do too much research on it. Navy relationships are hard, but totally worth it and it can be done! There is a great support system out here and school is defintely will help you stay busy!! Find a hobby that will help a lot too! Something that is important to you will help you not fall into being unhappy all the time. Its important to have things that make you your own person and realizing that you can be happy even if he is gone, doesnt mean you do not miss him, and it doesnt mean you are a bad person. It just means you are independent as well. Also, time goes by faster when you are happy but if you are moping time goes by really slowly. :) Sorry I wasnt of much help on the SEALs thing. I just know their training is a lot more instense than most trainings and A schools. I have heard they do several trainings that make up other rates as well. I just don't know if that is true.
SEALs training is different indeed. They go through pre-BUDS in Great Lakes first, then down to San Diego for the main training. The washout rate is very, very high (70~80%). At Great Lakes I'd imagine their communication is pretty much the same, but once they hit CA, things get intense and they don't have much time to themselves. It will be difficult, so find other SEAL GFs/wives to talk to in the groups. They will have the best perspectives.
The wash out rate in Great Lakes is the 70-80% and than they wash out another when they get to CA is the same %
Ok, I just have to make this point. I was pretty much in your shoes last year. We were together for 2 years, living together, I was pregnant (planned and had been trying) at the time, and planning on being together forever, but not really interested in getting married. He's the "what's a piece of paper gonna tell you that I can't" type guy. His recruiter said, get married before you join, it will save you yards of paperwork later. We got married by a judge 9 weeks before he shipped out. I can't tell how old you guys are (I'm 30 and in college so not making assumptions by that), or if you're ready for marriage, but it's a heck of a lot easier to maintain a relationship when you get to live together after bootcamp and you have access to the base and all the military spouse support.
As for bootcamp, I'm fresh on that. My hubby graduates this weekend and I'm SO excited to see him. Expect almost no contact with him. It sucks, it's hard, I hated it. I also understand the purpose of it. You will have ups and downs and after the first couple weeks, it gets better. NavyforMoms was tremendously helpful to me, as was the graduation bootcamp group. Graduation is called PIR (pass in review) and there is a group for each graduation week. For the most part, everyone is the group is pretty much going through the same thing at the same time, so it's a huge source of support there. I received 3 phone calls and 4 letters from him while he's been gone. I wrote to him every day until this past Monday. I just told him what we did, especially if our daughter did something special or hit a milestone, tried to keep it light. You will have to be strong being with a military man. I love how one person put it, "You have to be strong because every time he walks out that door, he has to know you can handle yourself and he can do his job without worrying about you."
Also, I have to say kudos to you for not wanting to put the kabash on his dream. My husband gave me what he called "veto power" to say no, I didn't want him to go. There's no way I could have said that. When we met, we worked at a job neither of us liked. He eventually left that job and almost a whole new person emerged, same guy, just a lot happier. I didn't realize how the frustration of his job had affected him, because he had been there long before we met. I never wanted him to do a job he didn't like again. And with him having been gone, I have realized a few other things too. I will appreciate him so much more. I will never complain about him leaving his whiskers and shaving cream in the sink again. I can truly treasure every minute I have with him because now I know what it's like without him. And I can't think of a more fulfilling relationship than one in which you never take each other for granted and look forward to every minute of being together. I may be all romanticized right now because I'm about to go see him for the first time in 8 weeks, but that's how I feel now. I know couples have problems, and boy are we not immune to that. But I can see that a lot of the crap we've argued about is petty little stuff that doesn't really matter. It's been put into perspective for me.
Sorry so long, I just started typing and a whole lot came out. Feel free to PM me any questions you have.
If he just started the process he still has a ways to go....after he takes the ASVAB he has to even see if he qualifes for the BUD's program...that is with his ASVAB scores and also his PT scores, along with medical tests.
Thank you all for your help! Being on this site really does seem to be helping me through this process... even though it's just the start. As of now I know mainly nothing about the navy. But I do have little comments for you all...
Eyeronics- He is definitely worth it. He is an amazing guy... And i'm not just staying that to be nice to him. He really is. He is respectful and treats me well. I did think through it long and hard though...about weither I could handle it. And thanks for the quick layout of how things will be in the next steps.
Meagan5220- Thanks for the insite! As for being independent, I find myself to be pretty good at that. I think that is one of the things he likes most about me. The one thing I am insecure about is sleeping alone at night... I dont know why but I HATE it. I have nightmares often... and I like someone else in the house with me at night. I think that will be the hardest for me.
Nickswifey- I am so glad I met someone who just went through what I am now! No one understands when I try to talk to them about it... they just say they are sorry or say it will be okay. So it's good to know someone has been through it. And with a child... which seems even more emotional for you to have him be away during these times. So props to that! And marriage isn't an option... I'm only 18 right now. We plan to sometime in the future... a ways away. As long as things keep flowing along! But we want to try out being in the navy first and see how we handle it... before getting married. I'm glad you get to see your hubby though! Thats extremely exciting! I love the quote by the way...I saved it. I just hope I am strong enough... I want to be... It's just hard.
Angie- By the end of the summer he will have his ASVAB, medical, and all other scores along with his back up job if he does not make it into SEALS completed.
I am very independent too. IMO it helps a lot. I see some girls that have a really hard time with their sailors being gone (like harder than normal) and I have noticed they are really dependent on their sailors. Not that I dont lean on my husband but we are our own people. And neither of us is willing to give that up! I have the same issues. I have night terrors and wake up all the time having anxiety attacks. He typically would help me calm down. I have the weirdest, craziest dreams. I literally tell him my dreams sometimes and he just looks at me... and usually asks what drug I am on. lol But I have a big pup that while she is sweet as can be, she also would kill anyone that tried to touch me. So she wakes me up if she hears anything trying to get in the house and she doesnt allow me to move unless I get my gun out of the bedside table. I know people think its silly but she will literally sit on me until I get it out. She also wakes me up if I am having a bad dream. or she will be sitting there when I wake up. I know how to take care of myself and I have lived on my own for years so I deal with it but having her right by my bed helps and my sailor likes it too because it makes him feel more comfortable knowing she is there. and knowing I wouldnt hesitate to use my gun if I needed to. But having her there also helps me feel safer in my dreams I know its weird to most people but it really helps.
My quote that gets me through for myself is “If ever there is tomorrow when we're not together... there is something you must always remember. you are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. But the most important thing is, even if we're apart... I'll always be with you.” ― A.A. Milne
I found it has helped me a lot. The hardest thing to remember is even if you dont hear from them they still love you. Even if they cant email every day or call when you are having a bad day doesnt mean they dont wish they could or they arent trying to find a way to do so. :)
Thanks. :) My boyfriend said he is going to give me a crash course before he leaves of how to use a gun properly and all the other things he usually does that I dont. Because he does soo much. I'm not partically a dog person...but he definitely is. So getting one is a good idea! And I think that could help me a lot! And I love the quote! I dont know how, but quotes can make me feel so much better sometimes.
Whats the longest you have gone from hearing from your sailor? I'm just wondering. :)
Welcome :) There is a book called Dare to Repair, I think. Its like a book that tells you how to do a lot of different repairs around the house. lol Good idea for the gun! You can also probably take gun safety courses. I know the Bass Pro by where I grew up did. I got mine as a pup and she would put herself in front of me to keep me safe. I love her she is my baby. :) It also helps to have something to focus your energy on, training a pup is hardwork. And they have lots of energy lol!! I love quotes too. :)
The longest for me has been 10 days. I mean during bootcamp I got letters and the longest I went without a phone call was the 8 weeks he was there I didnt get any until the last week because I was at work. But my husband is on a carrier they have a lot more communication. SEALs I know do have less communication.
Awesome! And yes I did hear SEALs have less communication then others. I guess I will just have to wait and see! But I know he'd try his best to contact me...So I guess all you can do is wait. lol
Yea they really do. I know sometimes I get irritated but I know its just bc I am antsy I know he will contact me when he can :)