will he leave or stay?

Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Becky on August 3, 2008 at 7:44pm

WOW Thank him for his service to his country.Tell him the Navy needs strong people like him.And Mom, what ever his decision, please do not leave us. We need you here too.

▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Maripat..Matt's Mom on August 4, 2008 at 11:56am

Michelle, We need men like him. I don't really have an answer, but there is another site Navydads.com. There are dads, moms, dads that were military and sailors on there. They might have some suggestions.

▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Achseh on August 4, 2008 at 12:03pm

I can understand! When he reached about 10 years, my husband was ready to get out. He had had enough, he was tired, he just didn't want to do it anymore. I, too, thought he was crazy, but I was willing to support whatever he had chosen to do because he was the one who made the sacrifices, not me.

Just about that time he found out he had made Chief. Well, now, that was a different story. He then realized how much more he could accomplish in his career and for "his Navy" in this new role.

Fast forward a few more years, and he was feeling the outta sorts thing again. This time, though, "his Navy" had changed into something different than the one he joined. He decided it was time to retire after 23 years and I agreed.

My best advice is to do a pro and a con list and to be supportive in whatever he choses. Money isn't everything and the price is extremely high for that retirement. Good luck!

▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Mary, Proud Mom of Nick on August 4, 2008 at 3:28pm

Great advice Achseh.

My husband did his 10 years and was thinking he might need to get out as well that was mostly due to the fact that it was time for another seaduty rotation and at that point we had two small children and I don't need to tell anyone here how challenging deployments are on a family. He had also just passed the Chief's test so it was really pulling on him on which way to go, unfortunately he hurt his back and the Navy got to make the decision for him for medical reasons, he was discharged.

Fast forward to now, if he only he could have...he would have!

I know your son is facing a tough decision Michelle, I hope he will be able to come to the one that works best for him.

▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Michelle L Cox on August 4, 2008 at 4:36pm

Thanks so much for the wonderful note--I understand why he feels this way--he has asked for shore duty, which considering how many times he has been over there, I don't disagree with his line of thought. They are telling him that he will be deployed again within a short period of time after he returns in November. I thought they couldn't do this, but an Army mom told me that her son was only home for 2 months and was sent right back---- :(

▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Steve's Mom on August 4, 2008 at 6:58pm

My husband put in 14.5 years in the military and decided not to re-up because of extended deployments and our young children, looking back now, we still moved often and the kids did great, and he too wishes he had continued his service.
However, when aproached last year to come back, they offered him an unbelievable bonus as well as other perks and promotions and he once again turned it down. Not completely sure of his reasons, as he is still very closed mouth about his tours, but his outloud reasoning was he "didn't want to miss out on the kids as the younger two are so close to graduation and finding their way in the world"
At times, I know that I miss the military family and having people around me that know what is going on and the close suport system. I loved the activities and friendships while he was in the service. I know that at times financialy we would have been better off with insurances and paychecks.
But it ultimately comes down to he is the one that has to get up in the moring and go to work, and I don't care how much he makes or what he is doing as long as he is ok with it. There is nothing worse in life then having to get up for 20 years and go to a job if you hate it.

▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Mom to 2 Sailors on August 4, 2008 at 6:50pm

Hi - I am one of the older Navy Mom's on here as well, not chronologically :) - but being a Navy Mom. Both my Navy sons are experiencing a change in the Navy as well. And they are not going where they thought they would be but are getting put where the Navy needs them. They are only going on 7 years - so not as many. But just this morning one of mine was talking about the same thing. I think we have to support whatever decision they make - they are the ones going through it. But I do conversate about the pro's and con's and get them to talk about the why of the decision. I talk a lot about educated decisions with my kids or feelings decisions. Maybe that will help. Hang in there. You have been a Navy Mom for a long time- thanks for the support you have given your sailor :) I know it is not always easy :) Kathy

▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Michelle L Cox on August 4, 2008 at 7:09pm

thanks so much for the words of encouragement--i cannot imagine if more of my sons were in at the same time--i do have a 14 year old who plans on joining when he graduates from high school--take care

▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Linda D-IA on August 5, 2008 at 9:19am

Hello, Michelle- I understand what your son is going thru I did 5 years in the Navy and my husband did over 14 in the Marine Corps. My husband talked about how the mission had changed and they were pushing him for recruiting duty. He's not exactly the office type. He likes to be on the job site and in control. We sat down and listed what we wanted to do. And, he got out. I got out because they wanted to send me to sea duty with a new baby I knew I needed to be home. Good Luck to your son & we are very grateful for his service to this great country that let's us make these hard choices. Linda D-IA

▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Jean C on August 6, 2008 at 9:58am

Morning Michelle, My son has 17 years in, and has said he is definately getting out "on 20". He's been deployed most of those 17 years, and wants to be home with his kids, now. Of course, I am willing to bet if he "makes chief" he'll stay in a few more years. Usually when they hit the ten year mark/ half way, they are talking "retirement". I think the last few years have been a challenge for our military, with all of the deployments they are doing, espec in the Middle East. Let's just hope he can get those orders changed, and tell him hello~ Jean

▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by maria on August 7, 2008 at 1:05am

Hi michele, my name is maria and i have one son in the navy. I'm new at this but sounds like to me he has served so long and given so much why not reep the rewards of his hard work. Career Navy I hear their set. As a mom I'd want him home, I want mine home and he's only in 11/2 years and one deployment and I'm ready to call it quits.lol. Not him though he wants to go all the way. Sometimes they hit rough patches so listen, support him and ultimatly it's his decision.We are here for you , good luck. Maria

▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Patricia Kuehn on August 8, 2008 at 2:25am

Oh my Michelle,

My heart goes out to you and all of his deployments. My son is in Afghanistan and I can honestly say it has been a difficult time for both of us, but four or five times is just too much. I can understand his frustration, but perhaps he can find out if this is the last time. He has already given more than enough and definitely deserves a break. When we are young it is hard to understand being prepared for retirement. I am guessing he is angry about having to deploy yet again and just wants out. Hopefully he will see that another seven years (after his one year over there) will fly by and will be well worth it in the long run.

Sincerely, Trish Kuehn

▶ Reply to This