Rejection from (so-called) friends

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Permalink Reply by Kim (Matt's Mom) on October 25, 2008 at 5:36pm

One of my sons friends told him right before he left that he had taken the easy way out by joining the Navy. Let me tell you I went through the roof at that. My thoughts were if its so easy why don't you try it? Matt told him that he was doing exactly what he wanted with his life and what are you going to be doing, this other kid didnt graduate high school and has no job and basically is doing nothing with his life. Told him at least I have a plan for my life and will make something of myself while you are still acting like a child. He has only talked to the boy once since then and he is still not in school no job , nothing and they are really just not friends any longer. The rest of his friends wrote him and encouraged him all through bootcamp.
Sometimes its just because they are afraid of the change and will miss your daughter so its easier to be cruel than to say so and you could tell her that or maybe they are jealous because she does have a plan for herself and they still dont. And sometimes its just a hard fact that people who you called friend are really not just like my son and this boy. Just keep encouraging her and letting her know your proud of her. They may turn around and surprise her . She is going to make many new friends who are likeminded and while she wont forget her old friends she will have many new ones . Even if she were to go away to college she would be meeting new people and some of her old friends may not like the idea. My son just graduated bootcamp on 10/17. He still misses home but without exception he feels he did the right thing and has found many new friends, He cant wait to come home for the holidays and tell his old buddies all about it. I wish your daughter all the best and hope her friends come to their senses and give her the support she deserves.

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Permalink Reply by Chris A. on October 25, 2008 at 7:36pm

Oh boy............17 year-old girls can be just a pain (I'm not referring to your daughter, I mean her so-called friends!). She can tell them that while they're hanging around at the mall doing nothing useful with their lives, she'll be having great adventures, going to exciting places and becoming a useful member of society. Not to mention all the hot guys she'll be working with (OK mom, don't panic).....she'll make lots of new friends, much better than she had before.

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Permalink Reply by Johnna,Lynettes Mom on October 26, 2008 at 2:41pm

Chris is right, your daughter has chosen to do something with her life and her so called friends are just jelous, let them hang out at the mall, and the park or whatever, your daughter will be doing something with her life, and as far as being "the easy way out" bootcamp is brutal, and there are tons of rules that have to be followed even after bootcamp, but she will get an education,respect,job security,etc.
My daughter left for bootcamp 8/12/08 , some girls were over heard saying "she'll never go to the navy, the navy is stupid anyway", well, my daughter survived bootcamp and is currently in Pensacola waiting for "A" school to start, she is taking classes while waiting to class up to aviation mechanics class, meanwhile I still see these same girls just hanging around town not doing much of anything. So hang in there Mama.

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Permalink Reply by Sammie on October 25, 2008 at 8:27pm

It's actually the male friends who are being the cruelest. One of her gay friends, Josh, has begun telling her what a loser she is and has nothing civil to say to her. And the sorta-kinda boyfriend (Steven) has turned absolutely viscious. He sent her an unprovoked text message earlier today that simply said "f**k you!" Deep down I understand that these guys are obviously having a really hard time expressing themselves. But dang! That must be such a drag to be unable to express themselves in a positive, kind, understanding manner. When it all boils down I feel very sad, for them. I know she'll make new, genuine friends. Like Kim said, those of a like mindset. And these will be the friendships that become a family bond that will follow them the rest of their days.

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Permalink Reply by Joyce Tucson Mom on October 25, 2008 at 8:41pm

That's just horrible . . . no matter what the reason (reason is not really be used here) - whether they are afraid of change, afraid for her, or whatever . . . she should think about cutting off contact with them . . .
I'm assuming (I know I shouldn't to THAT!) that she'll be signing into the DEP program? If so, she will certainly have contact with others, who like herself, have a game plan, goals, and have set their sights higher . . .
She'll make connections with others that respect and admire her and those are the people she should spend her time with . . . We're all right with you in supporting her - HUGS:)!

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Permalink Reply by Kim (Matt's Mom) on October 25, 2008 at 9:54pm

I hope this sorta boyfriend now finds himself a single man. That is a terrible thing to do to her. She deserves much better and I'm sure she will find it. You are correct when you said that the new friendships she will make will carry throughout her life . She is on her way to bigger and better things.

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Permalink Reply by Sammie on October 25, 2008 at 10:04pm

He has indeed placed a wedge between them. And so be it. For those who are being negative and non-supportive of her decision she has already begun to distance herself from them. She's a smart kid and she'll go through with her decision regardless of their criticism. She knows that 20 years from now she'll have made something of herself. And they'll still be twiddling their thumbs playing with their video games.

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Permalink Reply by Johnna,Lynettes Mom on October 26, 2008 at 2:44pm

O.k, guy friends can be just as bad. My daughter made a whole new set of friends in the Navy that are far better than the ones she left behind, she refers to them as her second family and they all look out for each other.

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Permalink Reply by Paula on October 25, 2008 at 10:24pm

You know what Thank G-d I have all boys, LMAO. No on a serious note, my son's friends all backed him 120% of the way. He is very lucky I guess. I never heard of such a thing but please remember and I will never forget the day my son said this to me. Mom, I know _______ & _________ are my best friends since I was little but the select group of 7 of them he said Mom thesee are my best friends. Brett said the difference is Mom, I know these guys would take a bullet for mew & I would for them. Now she will LEARN WHAT REAL FRIENDS ARE!!!!
She will be a much stronger and even better person that she already is.

Best of Luck. Great site for this type of support. You tell her we are AALL very PROUD of her!

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Permalink Reply by Sammie on October 25, 2008 at 10:40pm

I am so thoroughly impressed with this site. Note to self: I'll be profoundly thanking her recruiter, Bill Anderson, in Arvada.

I/we all very much appreciate the support found here.

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Permalink Reply by Kathy Ellingson on October 26, 2008 at 1:44am

Let me carry you down the road a little in your minds eye--Leah will have gotten some excellent training, seen some incredible places, developed some positive friendships,and be very very proud of her accomplishments.

We went through a similar situation when my son was a senior in HS. His youth group friends-people he admired and looked up to-and his girlfriend (at the time) all shot him down when he brought up the idea of going into the Navy. So plan B was to go to community college. He lasted a year and a half. He brought up the idea to us again, very tentatively I might add. We told him just as we did before that he can't live for his friends. Only this time we had him get into the DEP before we told anyone. It was surprising that the friends rallied around him this time. The girlfriend went off to Spain to study abroad and they split up anyway-still friends but each following their dreams.

I grew up an Army Brat. So part of me didn't want my baby to go and part of me knew that an incredible world was open to him if he chose this path. When he was in high school I wanted to make sure he went in the for right reason. He kept telling me he could get an education. I think he thought that is what I wanted to hear. He couldn't seem to see the light at the end of the tunnel in college. He realized that his friends were only being selfish because they didn't want him to leave, and most people don't understand the military. It was like he came back to life when he enlisted in the DEP. He enlisted in November and left April 15th for BC. He was following his hearts desire. We told him not the have any regrets when he gets older, don't wish that you would have taken the big step and never did. We also told him when he enlisted that he has to give it his all and never look back, he wouldn't find us there-we would be right beside him every step of the way. I was proud of Aaron before he joined-but now-WOW I get choked up in a heart beat!! Aaron is a gift from God and he is better off in God's hand than mine anyway!

Okay-now in your minds eye-envision me on my soap box-We can only live to the fullest if we listen to our heart. No one can tell Leah what her dreams and visions should be unless they have a window to her soul. This is the time in her life that she has the chance to do what she is dreaming about. To take the steps in the direction that she feels she is being called. Her true friends will walk along with her and the rest will fall by the way side whether she goes or stays. Not everyone has a desire to serve their country, but thank God for the ones that do!

Hopefully this will give you and Leah the confirmation that she should be getting from her friends.

Keep me posted!! Kathy

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Permalink Reply by Tracey Brady on October 26, 2008 at 10:36am

The Navy was the best thing my son ever did.His friends had the attitude "sure your going to join the Navy"But as the time got closer and he was more committed then ever they got mad.One even punched him in the face one night when he was talking about going to basic.Where are they now and where is he now?They are still at home,some living with their parents.Working in the factories,where their benifits are being taken away,not learning anything.My son is living in downtown SanDiego learning something new everyday and talks about the future as something to look forward to.Gaining confidence and pride in himself more and more.He has found when he comes home he has less and less in common with his old friends.It takes courage to go into the unknown to better your life, let her always know she has your support and pride.

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