Rejection from (so-called) friends

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Permalink Reply by MP - PNM of Ashley IT3 on October 26, 2008 at 1:46pm

Hi Sammie, my daughter initially got the same reaction. Of course it was from the guys too but I think a lot of it had to do w/ total ignorance regarding the military. Now these same guys are in awe of what she has accomplished and 2 of them have since joined the Navy.

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Permalink Reply by Linda Collins on October 26, 2008 at 2:08pm

I am so sorry for your daughter and her 'so-called' friends giving her a hard time. My daughter had a similar falling out with a couple of her girlfriends when she told them she really wanted to enlist in the Navy. It was her senior year in highschool (first semester of 2006). She wanted to get her college degree paid for and also felt very strongly about the military and how this avenue could help her to mature and learn more about herself than the 'normal' college route. They were not understanding at all, at first. However as time went on during the year and my daughter did not waver in her choice, they came around and were very supportive of her decision. Since Christi (my daughter) graduated in June of 2007, she took a short delay on entering the Navy and took some classes at our local Community College, worked, and spent the summer enjoying her freedom with her friends. She entered the Navy on Aug. 10 and graduated from Great Lakes on Oct 3. Share this with your daughter and let her know, that if her 'friends' were really her friends, they would support her in any decision she makes for her own life. Possibly they are just jealous, envious or don't have a clue as to their own future and want your daughter and their other circle of friends to be in the same boat!! As far as keeping her upbeat and feeling great about her decision to pursue a career in the military in the Navy, let her know that one of the greatest gifts that anyone can give of themselves is to serve in the United States Military. As a member of that distinguished group, she is a far better person with more guts, stamina and a real sense of duty to herself and her country, and the love, prayers and support of thousands of men, women and children across the this wonderful country as well as the entire globe. As a mother of a daughter just like yours, I am very proud to be a cheerleader for you and her. Feel free to answer or reply to my reply. Blessings, Linda

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Permalink Reply by Pat on October 26, 2008 at 2:09pm

Tell your daughter to stick to her beliefs. my son joined feb . 2008. now his friend joined last week.
he also has two friends in the airforce who love it. joining the navy will give her a better start in life.
jobs are hard to find and she will get to see the world. good luck to her...
pat

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Permalink Reply by Martha and Alan (J's parents) on October 26, 2008 at 2:17pm

yes, my son's childhood bf told him he was stupid, and he did not support his decision and he was against the war. My son told him I am not stupid and you need to thank people like me because we give you the RIGHT to say what you just told me. Not friends most of his sr. year but made up near his bc ship date because they felt the clock ticking. His friend wrote him his first letter this week. It took a while and they will never be as close as they once were but I am glad they are friends now. His friend has matured and realizes how stupid he was. Tell your daughter that they really were not true friends and if they are they will be back.
Rough times though we have been there. Take care of her and keep encouraging her.

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Permalink Reply by Beth proud mom of Garrett on October 26, 2008 at 2:21pm

Sammie, I read some of the other responses, and I agree with them. These weren't true friends to begin with. There is so much honor and respect in serving the country. It's intimidating to the kids who choose to work minimum wage jobs out of high school. My son did two years a community college before enlisting. He got good grades. He just didn't know what to choose for a four year degree. The Navy suited him and he's been happy ever since he joined. The downside is, even in the close-knit group of friends he has in the Navy, there are some that don't have the same sense of commitment. I think the officers sense the fine qualities of a committed enlisted serviceman/woman. Let your daughter read some of the comments the other moms have written. Hopefully that will make her smile. I am a teacher. If any other kid gets nasty at school, contact the administration immediately. My school district takes bullying seriously. Your daughter should feel safe at all times even from ignorant kids at school.

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Permalink Reply by terri on October 26, 2008 at 2:22pm

my son made some wonderful friends during boot camp. These kids have all gone through the same experiences together and your daughter is soon to find out what a real true friend is. she is on her way to exciting new adventure.

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Permalink Reply by Barb K. on October 26, 2008 at 3:36pm

Sammie,
My son has been in the Navy for a little over one year now. He decided during his Senior year that he didn't want to be paying for his college education for the rest of his life through college loans and saw the Navy as a way to attain his education and to be a part of a tradition that his grandfather and father were part of. (He is 3rd generation Navy.) He decided before Christmas of his Senior year, and things went quickly after that. He told his step dad and I on a Monday, we met with the recruiters on a Wednesday and the following Monday he was at MEPS in Albany, NY taking all the tests. By Wednesday of the following week, he was all signed up and began his weekly meetings with his recruiters. Many of his friends did not understand what he was doing either. The hardest thing for him was when his favorite History teacher told him in front of his AP History class that he was making a big mistake and why would he want to support a war that was killing women and children, that we should not be in. My son was crushed. He respected this teacher and instead of supporting him, she totally shot him down. My son's best female friend, stood up in the history class and in front of everyone, told them that they should be thanking him and applauding him for the choice he as made to defend our freedoms, that she felt many of them took forgranted. She continued by telling everyone that he was making a sacrifice to protect their rights and we should be proud of him and not giving him a hard time. My son never forgave the History teacher and to this day he does not speak to her if he sees her when he is home. (He saw her at a local food place when he was home this summer before he left for his permanent duty station and he completely ignored her.) Thanks to his one good friend, his other friends came around and they had a party for him before he left.
There will be people out there that will be proud of her as we all are here. Congratulations to your daughter for her decision and congratulations to you for raising a wonderful daughter who is choosing to be a part of something so much bigger than all of us.

Barb K.

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Permalink Reply by Kathy...PNM on October 26, 2008 at 4:32pm

Sammie..My son didn't have any problems when he was in DEP but he did the first time he came home on leave his friends just didn't get the whole Navy thing and he was hurt and disappointed. We had many discussions about it and he decided that the Navy was the right fit for him and that his friends would just have to accept him or not bother with him. It is a very important step that your daughter is making and it may scare some of her friends because they are beginning to now realize that they will have to grow up soon and make some major decsions about their lives. Tell your daughter to hang in there and all will be well!!! Wishing your daughter the best of luck and please assure her from a Navy mom x 2 that she is making a very wise decision and will go far...

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Permalink Reply by spitfire1958 on October 26, 2008 at 4:59pm

My son was ridiculed by his "friends" most of which stopped all contact with him. His best friend (known since age 7) didn't even invite him to his wedding. He became depressed and is trying to establish new friendships. Many of those same friends are slugs...they lay around all day and drink heavily. Most of them didn't go to college. Mine is now 22 and still struggles with the fact that his friends turned their back on him. He will never say so out loud though. He just keeps it bottled up inside. I think in time she will make true lifelong friends while in the Navy because everyone shares the same or similar values. She needs a solid mentor and I think she will find one. My son did. He is still struggling with his own demons, but he is much better emotionally. She will not regret the route she has taken in later years. She will be way ahead of her peers and have a solid foundation for the future.

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Permalink Reply by Dolores on October 26, 2008 at 5:12pm

Hi Sammie - I feel your pain!! When my son enlisted it was his cousins (who he is very close to) who criticised him and gave him a hard time. This too shall pass!! Your daughter is going to meet a whole new group of people ... those young children who have made an adult decision. My advice ... talk to her and tell her the pros and cons of her friend's actions and hurtful comments. Let her know that you are proud of her not only for her decision to join the Navy but also for her bravery in handling her situation in an adult manner. When my son came home from bootcamp, those cousins who gave him such a hard time respected him for his decision ... this too will happen to your daughter. And yes - she has decided to do the most noblest of things with her life - a path of courage and honor - it is very hard for some teenagers to understand and support. She can also speak with her chief or enlistment personell ..... she will get the support and advice she needs from the Navy if needed. You can also speak with her enlistment sailor to give you advice as to how to handle the situation. Please tell her that she is in our prayers and thank her for her interest in serving our country.

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Permalink Reply by Carol B... on October 26, 2008 at 5:16pm

Kudos to Chris for such an apropos statement.

I think it's the current political climate and incredible ignorance that must drive some of our younger people to have this kind of reaction to anyone joining the military...when our son decided to join, some of his friends were like, "are you nuts?"...to which he replied much the same thing that Chris alluded to...he was planning on getting a great education, he wanted to see the world and he wanted to serve his country and thank God there were people like him willing to do that so people like them could make ignorant and insenstive comments...

He recently came home on leave and did RAP duty at his old high school...he was inundated w/ giggling girls who were "totally" impressed w/ his uniform and the boys he talked to couldn't believe he was receiving the equivalent of 4 years of college in 2 years of nuclear training. He proceeded to tell them about his college tuition already being paid for when he left the military, how he already had a retirement account started and how he was looking forward to the ports he may be able to visit. But the teachers who had him speak in their classes pointed out how much more disciplined and respectful he had become in only a year away from school...how he had matured and was truly a leader...that pat on the back only served to reinforce his decision and the kids responded well to it.

Your job is done...you've given your daughter the tools to choose for herself and you've given her the guidance and respect for her country that draws her to serve. Thank you and God Bless.

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Permalink Reply by Jeanine #762 on October 26, 2008 at 5:51pm

Same thing happened to my sailor. Only one teacher came up to him and told he was so totally wrong about joining the Navy. Needless to say he took her to task and she in turned called him rude and beligerent. Several of the other teachers were around and when he responded that he was taught what the uniform really meant only small minded people would interpret as she did. When she demanded an apology, all he told her and I quote, "Ma'am, when you can show people who give you freedom respect then they will in turn show you respect and when you disrespect what I do, then you have not earned that respect from me." Several kids in the commons area and teachers and principal alike all applauded him and that teacher just sputtered away. So good friends or not, only when they have walked in your sailor's shoes, do they a right or priveledge to judge them.

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