Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Anti M on October 8, 2011 at 10:07am

Being married won't affect his sea/shore rotation.  He'll still have sea duty and he'll still deploy, same as if he were single. The biggest thing is a sailor E-3 or below can't take their dependents overseas.  Most sailors don't stay an E-3 for long, so that isn't a long range factor.  Overseas tours are three years or so.

Oh, sometimes on the holidays a single guy might swap duty with him so he can be with his family, but that's just a shipmate being friendly.  Sailors do not work fewer hours or get preferred duty stations becuase they are married.

Two concrete reasons to be married: money and convenience of access to base and information.  (Oh yeah, and that LOVE thing)  

A married sailor receives accompanied orders, which pays for the travel and move of dependents. (unless he goes to where dependents can't go, it happens now and then)

 A married sailor can live offbase and draw BAH for rent and utilities, or be eligible for Navy housing. A single sailor is not eligible for BAH until they are an E-5, which can take years to advance to.  

A married sailor draws Family Separation pay when he deploys.

 The dependent spouse receives amazing medical and dental care, plus base privileges such as the commissary.  There is also access to the Family Service Center, MWR, and more.  A spouse can receive the familygrams and be included by the ombudsman to receive information about what's going on with the ship her sailor is on, and receive updates about the deployment.  A spouse can go on and off base unaccompanied to pick up her sailor.   A spouse can be the beneficiary for his life insurance policy through the military.  A spouse can visit her ill sailor in the hospital and make major medical decisions should he be injured.  A spouse can drive the sailor's car without question and handle the bills without a hassle while he deploys.

Dependent children receive their benefits more easily, faster, and with less question when the mother is married to the sailor. Married fathers receive ten days of paternity leave, free paid time off.

Individually, each thing isn't much, but it truly adds up to a simple path for the married woman supporting her sailor.

(actually, the BAH and the Tricare medical are HUGE, financially)

Permalink Reply by alyson_lynn on October 8, 2011 at 10:13am

Being married won't shorten your sea duty time?

Permalink Reply by Anti M on October 8, 2011 at 10:18am

No.  Not at all.  Otherwise all sailors would be married!

 

If that's all you are worried about, then you have a lot to learn about military life.  Sailors on shore duty can work long hours, including holidays, can be called in at all hours, can be sent on temporary duty for months at a time.  

 

I was a sailor and a dependent wife after, plus my dad was Navy.  You will spend time apart, married or not.  Being married gives you access to your sailor's life, which otherwise you would be cut out of.  Reread my long post, think about not being able to simply pick him up from work.  Think about if he had to have surgery and you couldn't even get in to visit.    There are more factors than simple time together.  I can't emphasize that enough.  

Permalink Reply by chelsjade17 on January 13, 2012 at 8:08pm

I always love reading what Anti M has to say.  Thank you so much!  

Permalink Reply by sailorwifenmom on January 14, 2012 at 1:20am

You said it beautifully - here and in your first post! 

Permalink Reply by abuon18 on October 8, 2011 at 10:21am

No it won't. Their sea duty vs. shore duty rotation is determined by their rate not their marital status.

Permalink Reply by meagan5220 on October 8, 2011 at 3:51pm

PERFECT Anti M!!! also as a spouse you can get some money for school for a certificate.... one thing tho I have heard a lot of Wives say "If they wanted your sailor to have a wife they would have issued him one with his seabag." Yes they take care of the families back home and have a ton of benefits they do not care if their plans arent what your plans are or if you dont want that to happen. Its the Navy he is married too, you are just a dependent. But the benefits are pretty nice! :) also it would be a lot harder to be a part of your sailors life if you arent married. Its not impossible but it makes it tough

Permalink Reply by NavyWifeTrivette on October 8, 2011 at 1:57pm

I am a new navy wife, only been married for 2 months, and already I am seeing that there are major differences. Everything that Anti M mentioned is very accurate. One thing I can say from personal experience though, is don't get too comfortable where you are. Now I am not saying this would happen to everyone, and honestly after talking to others, it rarely does. But what happened with me, I live in CT, but my husband is stationed in Kings Bay. I was suppose to stay in CT until December so I could finish a semester of college here before transferring to one down there. Well my husband came home for an emergency, and the Navy sprung some big news on us. They told us that I had to move down there by the 20th of October or else they would cut our BAH and I would no longer have medical coverage in CT, only in GA. Now I know this doesn't sound right or fair, but it is the Navy and they can do what they want. So I was given 3 weeks to make all my plans and move. I will be moving down there in 1 week! Now this can be a very hard thing on some people, having to pick up and move at the last minute, especially if you are in college. But that is all part of the Navy life, you are never guaranteed to stay anywhere for any length of time. Things change constantly and often without warning. You need to be able to bend and work around the changes and almost be able to anticipate before they happen. Despite how stressful it is to move at the last minute, I wouldn't trade it for the world. I love my husband and I love that I will be with him again sooner than planned. I love being a Navy wife and wouldn't give it up for anything. It honestly is worth it all to be connected with your sailor in that way.

Permalink Reply by Anti M on October 9, 2011 at 12:01pm

I've never heard of the cutting a dependent's benefits like that, but it could be a new policy to prevent abuse of the system.   People do get married just for the money, and the Navy dislikes such "paper marriages" a great deal (as a taxpayer, well, so do I).  If you get more details on this, do let us know. Very interesting!

I'm wondering if it is because CT is such a high cost area to live in?

Permalink Reply by NavyWifeTrivette on October 9, 2011 at 12:59pm

Yeah my husband and I had never heard of it before either! We would understand if I was just staying here for no real reason, but I was going to be going to UConn. So now all my school plans are changing and I have to completely rearrange my life at the last minute. I don't mind so much because I am young and I don't have much of a life to rearrange yet, my husband is my life right now. My husband does think it is because of the high cost of living here in CT because it is almost double that of GA. I just wish they could have given us more warning, like maybe tell us before he deployed so I could move when he got back, but nope, 3 weeks warning. Oh well, everything for a reason and at least I will be back with my husband.

Permalink Reply by sailorwifenmom on January 14, 2012 at 1:22am

Yeah, they're REALLY cutting back on allowing people to be geo bachelors if they are somewhere that they are authorized to have a family, especially if the family is somewhere that has a higher BAH rate than where the Sailor is. 

There were losing a LOT of money that way, and what with the budget being what it is....

Permalink Reply by Proud_Navy_Girlfriend on October 8, 2011 at 4:17pm

thanks everyone you have all answered questions i had too cuz i'm in the same boat as alyson_lynn. II've been dating the guy for three years and we know we're gonna get married just dont know when....

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